There's No Chance This Fuckin' Thing Went 505-Feet

People are going to say I’m only writing this because the Ted Williams seat is 502′ away from home plate. I want to make one thing loud and clear: the Ted Williams Red Seat is potentially the biggest lie in all of sports. Not that I don’t believe he hit one that far, but that it hasn’t already been bested several times by the likes of Manny Ramirez alone. Manny hit one over the Mass Pike that I believe still hasn’t landed. Much like Roger Clemens #21, the Sox just have certain traditions that they simply will not change no matter what. That’s the Red Seat. And if someone hits one clear as day the row behind Ted Williams’ seat, I’m positive the Red Sox will have all footage destroyed instantly.

But I’ll tell you one thing and I’ll tell it to you right now: Rowdy Tellez did not just hit a baseball 505-feet into the Boston night sky. I don’t care how fire his name is, that ball did not come anywhere close to 505-feet. There are people trying to say it hit the retired numbers and bounced down.

Which if that’s the case he hit it no less than 800-feet. And if Rowdy Tellez hit a baseball that goddamn far these announcers need to be fired instantly for pondering “Does it have enough?” I don’t know much but I know one thing about baseball: 505-foot dingers don’t have people wondering if they “have enough” to get out. They just don’t. Eat my shorts, Statcast.

UPDATE:

Idiot Computer Statcast – 0
Smart Handsome Mick Man – 1