Barstool’s Champions League Preview – The “Ole’s (Preliminary) Grudgement Day” Edition
Sam’s Soccer Safe Space For Stoolies
Hi Haters™,
Let this serve as a quick reminder in these hectic days and times that yesterday and today are perfect occasions to take a break from the grind of the everyday rat race that is life to stop and smell the flowers. No better way to forget about all that ails you than by stealing away from work/school for a couple hours to watch a pair of Champions League quarterfinals. So set up an off-site meeting, remember a doctor’s appointment, develop a fever – do whatever you need to do because soccer is coming and you’d be well-advised not to miss it.
Little something to set the mood…
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CHAMPIONS LEAGUE
Results from yesterday and schedule for the remaining games:
So about yesterday… tough to be too nervous (if you are a City fan) or get too excited (if you are a Spurs fan) after a 1-0 first leg result in which the winner lost their best player, possibly for the season. City is quite clearly still the favorite to advance and Spurs’ shot at finishing top four just took a hit – regardless of how well Heung-min Son has played in Harry Kane’s absence. Did that stop me from having a few celebratory cocktails yesterday? Abbbbbbbsolutely not.
Joy is an extremely rare and exceedingly fleeting emotion for all but the top 1% of the 1% of clubs, a group that Tottenham has been knocking on the door hoping to join for some time now but clearly without success. So if you aren’t basking in the glory of preliminary (or even premature) success then you must be new here. At the same time, we all know how this story ends… and it doesn’t involve Spurs in the semis.
As for Liverpool/Porto, no big shocker there. Game went almost precisely how one would have predicted going in, and a two-goal victory for the Reds is a solid but not insurmountable lead heading into the second leg.
In fact, the only thing that really stood out to me was a tweet from Iker Casillas that stood out for being the most understated, passive-aggressive way to complain about poor reffing I have ever seen. The man is a true legend on the field and on the web.
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WEDNESDAY’S PICKS
United [+285]
Barcelona [-105]
Draw [+255]
Brass tacks: this won’t come as much of a surprise to people who have been following along this season but the fact is I don’t think United are all that good. They have a ton of talent, and Ole Gunnar has done a damn fine job picking up the pieces of the mess that Jozay left him, and in the grand scheme of things you really can’t argue with the RESULTS (despite some recent bobbles):
OGS probably deserved to be handed the job just for the Pogba-less comeback against PSG last round alone. However, for those soccer nerds among us who actually watch for and pay attention to PERFORMANCES, suffice to say I have been far less impressed with what United has been doing under OGS.
Do United have a chance? No doubt. This isn’t a Liverpool vs Porto situation where the Portuguese just don’t have the horsepower to keep up. The Red Devils have plenty of quality – especially going forward (where Barcelona are exploitable) – so if they play a perfect couple of games they have a shot to advance. They have proven time and again to be dangerous on the counter so if Barcelona is dumb or lazy they could easily get caught out by guys like Martial and/or Rashford (if fit, which is very much in doubt).
Two big problems with that. One, they have to legitimately be perfect or damn close (or as lucky as they were against PSG – good luck with that) because the margin for error against the likes of Messi and Suarez is miniscule. Two, hoping that United’s defense will be anywhere close to flawless for 180 minutes with the likes of Chris Smalling and Ashley Young out there seems like it’s asking a bit much (and lawd help them if Phil Jones sees the field), ESPECIALLY without that little junkyard dog Ander Herrera available at DM to muck things up just in front of the backline.
I have been saying for months that Barcelona’s defense will eventually be their downfall… but their defense is head and shoulders better than what they are facing. So, yes, United have a fighting chance if DDG stands on his head and they continue to be ruthless on the counterattack (having Rashford healthy would be a big help). Not enough of a chance for me to put hard earned moneys on it though. Barcelona to win 2-1.
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Ajax [+200]
Juventus [+150]
Draw [+220]
I am excited to see how this plays out. Ajax are very good and likely very hungry for success RIGHT NOW knowing that many of their best players are going to be sold off to bigger clubs this summer, and – importantly – they are young and dumb enough not to comprehend that they are not supposed to beat clubs like Real Madrid and Juventus in the Champions League.
Juventus is damn good too. They came up huge in the second leg against another very good and very experienced side in Atletico Madrid. But the corollary to being experienced is that Juventus are also aging, and they are a bit banged up being without captain Giorgio “Diego Costa Minus The Biting And Goals” Chiellini and Emre “Member me?” Can. Some Liverpool fans probably giggled at me including Can’s absence as a problem but he has been about as in form lately as anybody on the team outside of Moise Kean – who has been one of the hottest goal-scorers in the world.
So we have a good, young and healthy Ajax up against a good, not-so-young and not-so-healthy Juventus. The Italians have Kean and Mister X-Factor himself Ronny – whose health is also in question after going down with a hammy string for Portugal – so if they are going to pull out some sort of result it is going to come down to those two (and perhaps Paulo Dybala) carrying the load. After all, Ajax can score but, as Bayern proved in the group stages, they are also prone to getting scored on by good teams as well.
Rule #1 of Champions League: never ever ever ever ever ever bet against the Portuguese (when in doubt)
Rule #2 of Champions League: never ever ever ever ever ever bet against the Ronny (whether in doubt or not)
I am going with the upstarts and roided up Dusan Tadic (only explanation for how he’s played ever since leaving Southampton). Ajax to win 3-2.
Whoops (again).
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Lots more action coming up tomorrow. Kidding, it’s just Europa… but, jokes aside, I’ll be damned if there isn’t at least one pretty mouth-watering (not to mention extremely important) matchup that is worth watching:
Holler,
Samuel Army