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The Trailer for '3 Games to Glory VI' is Patriots Porn

It’s rare than any film franchise is so successful that it gets a sixth installment. Even the best ones are lucky to get to a third movie before it’s obvious they’re just spinning their wheels, rehashing the same stories and out of ideas. I’m not talking about reboots, but actual sequels. Invariably by the sixth in a series, invariably they’re just going with the material so bad it didn’t make it into either of the five films before.

Of course, there are exceptions. “Half Blood Prince” is one of the best of the Harry Potter films. But for every “Diamonds are Forever” there are 10 “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country.” I defy anyone to tell me one memorable thing from “Friday the 13th VI: Jason Lives” or “Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare,” each of which are idiotic because Jason and Freddy were always both dead and alive. I don’t want to start a fight so I’ll leave “Police Academy 6: City Under Siege” alone and instead ask why anyone was still watching “American Pie 6: Eugene Levy Isn’t Too Proud Collect a Paycheck Until He Can Get ‘Schitt’s Creek’ Greenlit.”

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Which brings me, finally, to the latest Patriots Porn, “3 Games to Glory VI,” the lastest installment in the only film franchise that just keeps getting better with each successive sequel. It’s the most insidery insider look into the most secretive organization in all of sports. Behind the scenes footage of how they put game plans together, interviews with coaches who rarely get to talk, thought processes, candid commentary, frank discussions. And it should never be lost on anyone that “3G2G” (the series’ droid name) is where we got confirmation that Ernie Adams exists:

pinkstripes

… because before his legendary “Pink Stripes” interview, I was convinced he was a figment of Bill Belichick’s imagination like (spoiler alert) Tyler Durden.

So these videos are as close as you’ll ever come – short of getting hired as a coaching assistant and you’re not smart enough for that – to seeing how it all comes together. The Pats equivalent of getting a tour of the White House from the President himself, letting you sit in on a meeting in the Situation Room, showing you how the nuclear codes work, letting you call the Kremlin on the red phone and bringing you into the secret sex dungeon.

And this one is six hours? Math isn’t my strong suit but that’s almost like two hours per game. Of all the video celebrations of all the championships in all of professional sports, “3G2G” is by far the best in my humble opinion. We’re gonna need a bigger bottle of lotion  for this two-tissue Patriots Porn.