Barstool Golf x THE PLAYERS Championship Collection | SHOP NOW

Fat Broad Sleep-Eating

The Sun - A WOMAN has to go on a daytime diet because she eats up to 2,500 calories a night in her SLEEP. Snoozing Lesley Cusack, 55, loves a night-time fry-up of bacon and ZZZs or bed and butter pudding – and has even munched on paint. The mum-of-three, from Warrington, Cheshire keeps herself on a strict diet during the day but has no control over what she eats when she is in the land of nod because of a rare sleep disorder. Lesley said: “I can only tell by the remains in the morning. “I tend to find opened tins or packets and I’ve no idea whether I’ve eaten some of them cold or not. “Sometimes I’ve found soup in pans, but also in bowls – it all can get rather messy. Lesley added: “I’ve put alarms on my doors in the hope it will wake me up. It doesn’t work though. I simply turn it off in my sleep. “I’m trying to lose weight but it’s a constant battle. I can follow a diet to the letter but it goes to pot at night.”

This is such a chick move. Like the polar opposite of the guy who fucked 17 year old chicks in his sleep. All chicks secretly wanna do is eat. They torture themselves all day every day dieting so deep down their darkest, most primal urges are to just stuff their faces until they explode. Sure, they love shopping and clothes and shoes and money. But deep down in their tits they dream of eating buckets of guacamole and buffalo chicken dip and all sorts of cheese. Its the one thing they long for. They lay their head down on the pillow at night, allow their imagination to run wild, and all they come up with is eating.  Its the one thing they wish they could do with no repercussions. Guys dream of sticking their dick in every woman in sight with no consequences. Chicks dream of eating as many trans fats as imaginable with no consequences. Its like the fundamental difference between the two.

And really when you think about it, every chick kinda does this sleep eating thing. Chicks love to diet and starve themselves during the day. Then they drink at night and get hammered because they have no food in their stomach. Then once they’re drunk they don’t give a shit and they order like 4 Cheesy Breads and 4 pizzas from Dominos and eat all of it. They may not be sleeping. But they’re eating when they have no control over their body and their primal urges take over.