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Game Of Thrones Recap: Season 1. #MarchToTheThrone

I’m not sure if you guys knew this, but there’s a little show called Game of Thrones coming back for its final season on Sunday. If you didn’t know about it, congratulations on getting Wi-Fi from whatever rock you’ve been living under the past 8 years. Please pass along your secrets about internet connectivity to All Biz Pete at your earliest convenience.

Anyway, I figured every morning for the next seven days leading into the premiere, I will include a season refresher video for people that were unable to watch the show for the first time or do a full rewatch like my crew of savages in the #67in67 Watch. The next six Sundays are pretty much the Super Bowl for millions of people. So if you want to know what the fuck everybody at the water cooler is talking about outside of their losing bets, catch up on one season a day here using the 2019 version of SparkNotes since not everybody has time to rewatch 67 hours of TV in six days.

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Today’s recap is for Season One, which subtly introduced everybody to Westeros with a zombies, children chopped to bits, a dude’s head getting cut off, a royal brother and sister hammering out some sweet incest in a tower centuries before PornHub made it cool, and a kid getting pushed off of a tower. And that was just episode one! We also had plotting, politics, backstabbing, an introduction to moon doors as well as trial by combat, a dude getting killed by pot of boiling gold, his sister eating an entire horse’s heart, that same sister surviving a four alarm blaze unburnt, dragons being born, the guy you think is the main character getting his head removed from his body then put on a spike, and sex. Sooooo much sex. The biggest thing I noticed during my rewatch is just how much sex there was in the early seasons of Thrones. It was almost on the level of shows like Taxicab Confessions or Real Sex except with a lot less weirdos in it. My formative years of ravaging myself would have been a lot different if I was watching NSFW Thrones scenes instead of two drunk New Yorkers going down on each other in black and white while riding a filthy cab that likely smelled like a goat lived there. Okay, this blog has officially gotten weird. Time to move on.

Biggest Takeaway From Rewatching Season 1: Ned Stark is an idiot, a fucking idiot. Nicest guy in Westeros, but still an idiot.

Imagine the football is Ned’s head after Weird Haircut Joffrey threw it 15 yards or so

Check back tomorrow for Season 2’s recap!