Miltons Pimp My Look

If someone has a friend send an email this long about how they dress like a piece of shit, they prob need a new wardrobe.

Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to or and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.

Today’s Contestant

Reader Email

Pres, you stupid ugly jew, our friend really needs help. Much like a lot of the other Pimp My Look winners, Andrew is a nice guy and and means well and we love him. However, he is also the sloppiest person we know. Andrew “Dice” Clay is as timid as a lamb, but a bosomy stripper at Mac Two’s once stated that he looks like a sheep. You can’t bring this kid anywhere. He gets sloshed and tackles just about anything in what we call “Dice Attacks.” Inanimate objects, pets, smokes, you name it, nothing is safe. This behavior mixed with daily consumption of booze produces quite a bit of wear and tear on his clothing, and well, he just looks like shit all the time. It goes without saying that this kid is on about a two year cold streak. He churns out more knuckle children then a thirteen year old who just discovered Brazzers. We recently gave him the nickname “Fappity Fap.” If one was so inclined to browse through his phone, they would discover it is rank with internet pornography and pictures of his disastrous shits, which he feels obligated to send to all his friends. Pres, this fool needs this, it could be his only chance. Sure he could use a little more rehab and maybe some Sunday school, but some new digs from Miltons might be just what he needs to at least start bangin fatties again.

A Concerned Friend