If You're Not Having A Shark Wedding Don't Even Bother Getting Married

Churchs? OUT. Rustic barns? OUT. Serene gardens? OUT OUT OUT!

If you’re not getting married surrounded by sharks you are just wasting everybody’s time. We’re all tired of seeing the same pictures over and over and over again. A bunch of 29 year olds thinking they are special and good looking because they changed out of sweatpants and a hoodie for 6 hours on a Saturday. Oh my god look at the cool sunlight behind them and all of the super candid pictures of washed up college friends laughing at something super hilarious… NOPE! That shit is over and done with.

The only place to go from here is maybe some chum in the water. Or maybe the next move is a pool of gators? I’m picturing two people saying “I Do” in the Nile River while a 17 foot Crocodile snatches a Wildebeest from the bank. Time to up the ante. Instagram is the greatest motivator and is just driving the price of attention on the free market higher and higher. You think it was cute to have your little cousin as your flower girl? Well here’s a Blacktip Shark officiating vows on your ass. You hear that? That was the sound of the game changing.