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Declassified NASA Reports Detail The Time Apollo 10 Astronauts Shit All Over The Space Ship

NYDN- It might have been overshadowed by the moon landing later that year, but 1969 also featured poop in space. Deep into a 500-page declassified transcript of the Apollo 10 around-the-moon mission, astronauts complain about an unsightly UFO inside the spacecraft. “Give me a napkin, quick,” Commander Tom Stafford says. “There’s a turd floating through the air.” “I didn’t do it,” Command module pilot John Young responds. “It ain’t one of mine.” Said Lunar module pilot Gene Cernan: “I don’t think it’s one of mine.” “Mine was a little more sticky than that,” Stafford responds. “Throw that away.” And then a little while later, Cernan says, according to the transcript: “Here’s another goddam turd. What’s the matter with you guys?” While the transcript has apparently been declassified for years, it’s only now causing a stink, so to speak.

This isn’t something I’d typically blog. But I just gotta say – you gotta be a serious asshole to take a shit in a space ship. Thats like the most disrespectful thing of all time, no? Just pinching a loaf in zero gravity and letting your turd float around the space capsule. Its like taking a shit right on the floor of your tiny dorm room except 1,000,000 times worse. You’re in goddam space flying around the moon and your poop is just drifting all over the place into the face of your colleagues. You know every space mission had the one joker too. Just like every crew has the one guy who farts to get laughs and does all sorts of poop jokes and pranks and shit. Like I bet you Kevin Bacon’s character in Apollo 13 was the poop jokester. Tom Hanks is trying to figure out how to make a new space shuttle engine like MacGuyver and Kevin Bacon is shitting all over the windshield laughing it up. Fuckin farts and poop. Its just never not funny.