Rob Gronkowski Has Announced His Retirement From The NFL

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Jerry will be around to break down all the football related stuff that goes on with a football player retiring but I’ll get this up now.

Kind of a surprise and a huge bummer considering I saw what I’d consider a reliable source out last night who told me Gronk wants one more ring so I immediately texted everyone and told them I had the scoop that Gronk was returning. Kind of look like an asshole now but whatever.

If you remove all the selfish reasons for Gronk to keep playing, like Super Bowls and not looking like a jerk with your scoops, then it was the right move. Obviously it was the right move. Dude’s 29 and has had about 500 surgeries. It feels like he’s been in the NFL for 100 years and it hasn’t even been a decade. He’s rich and young, fuck putting your body through hell and go hang out on the beach with your supermodel girlfriend.

To be honest, I knew he was gone when him and Camille went on vacation with the Deckers for like a month. They’re a retirement salesman superteam. Gronk was on the beach in Mexico, or some exotic country it was that I’m too poor to have heard of, where he had Eric Decker in one ear talking about how his body doesn’t hurt every day for half the year and he just chills and drinks then in the other ear he had Jessie James talking about how they just fuck all the time. Of course he was leaving. No one can resist a pitch like that.

So godspeed Rob Gronkowski. You were the most fun Patriot in history, the best tight end in history, a guy who could get the crowd on it’s feet every time he touched the ball because we knew that meant someone was about to try and fail to tackle him, and an all around fucking joy to watch. Enjoy the rest. Also call us and do a podcast or something.