Yesterday I brought you the tale of Team USA figure skater Mariah Bell, age 22, being accused of “bullying” and intentionally injuring her South Korean opponent Eunsoo Lim, age 16, by cutting her on the calf with her skate blade. Of course there’s phony outrage all across the Twitterverse from people – most of them from South Korea – calling Mariah the next Tonya Harding and saying this is so typically American (including one old lady who blamed it on Trump, I kid you not) and saying she’s a cheater who should be banned for life.
Bullshit, I say. This isn’t CandyLand. It’s not Chutes and Ladders. This is the World Goddamned Figure Skating Championships. This is for all the marbles. The fame. The glory. These aren’t China dolls, they are warriors. Valkyries. Competitors willing to skate to the death. Who will kill you with a perfectly executed Triple Toe/Triple Flip combination or be killed. Who will Sit-Spin you until they watch the light leave your eyes, then go home and sleep like babies.
So what is the result of all this hysteria and overreaction? Mariah Bell strode into that hostile arena with the eyes of the world upon her like the Ice Queen she is and skated her All-American ass off:
And whether or not she really was bullying or trying to maim Lim, the results speak for themselves. After the short program, Lim was on slot ahead of her. After the long:
Boom. Roasted. Did she cheat? Who knows and who cares? If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying. But whatever she did worked. And as a result of getting two US Ladies in the Top 10:
… we are entitled to put three US Ladies in next year’s World’s and put us in a position to get US Figure Skating back on the map in time for the 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing. All thanks to the steely determination and ferocious iron will of our newest athletic hero, Mariah Bell. U!S!A! U!S!A!