Mike Piazza Has Joined The Ballet

MIAMI BEACH, Fla. — Former Mets catcher Mike Piazza will be taking center stage with the Miami City Ballet. The Miami Beach-based dance company has tapped Piazza to play the role of a gangster in the May 3 production of “Slaughter on Tenth Avenue.” Piazza won’t be dancing in tights. He’ll wear a 1920s-era gangster costume, say a few lines and then watch the rest of the performance from a seat onstage. Piazza says his turn with the troupe is his gift to his 6-year-old daughter, a student at Miami City Ballet School. The ballet features gangsters, strippers and an attempted murder plot. It originally appeared as part of the 1930s musical “On Your Toes.” Piazza had 427 career home runs and made 12 All-Star Game appearances.

Has anyone every been kinda-gay better than Mike Piazza? He’s the most flaming kinda-gay dude of all time. Everything he does is just on the outskirts of being gay. This musical is like the perfect microcosm. Did Mike Piazza join the ballet? Yup! What a homo! Oh wait all he does is dress up like a gangster and say one line? Well thats not so gay. You see Mike Piazza dyed his hair bleach blonde? Looks so gay! But he’s jacked and one of the greatest baseball players of all time. Not too gay. I’m pretty sure he fucked Sam Champion, he’s the gayest guy of all time! But he married a Playmate. If thats gay then I wanna be flamboyant.

He’s just…kinda-gay. I don’t care whether he likes dudes or chicks. Don’t care what drugs he may or may not have done. He’s the greatest hitting catcher of all time, one of the most talented Mets of all time, and carried my team to the World Series. But lets call a spade a spade, he’s the most kinda-gay dude ever.