These New Milkshakes At Yankee Stadium Are Going To Be a Problem For My Health

I’m pretty simple when it comes to getting food at Yankee Stadium. I go with one of two options.

1) A Lobel’s steak sandwich, which might be the single best thing of all time. It’s just a premium prime rib sandwich doused with Au Jus sauce. It feel like your mouth is having sex with the sandwich basically.

2) The famous grub tub, which is a fountain soda, chicken tenders, and fries all in one. I couldn’t imagine living in a time other than this one, where I couldn’t get this at a baseball game. It’s orgasmic and well worth the $20.

Well now with these milk shakes we’re playing in a whole different league. I mean folks there’s a fucking cupcake on one of these milkshakes. A full cupcake! I usually just go with beer at games, but those things look unreal. I don’t know if I can resist. My buddy just started Weight Watchers because all he did for two months straight was essentially eat chocolate mousse cake. It’s been quite the transformation to witness and I’m quite concerned I’ll be heading down a similar path if I have one of these. All it will takes is one and I’ll never stop. They’ll be mixed into my routine and before I know it I’ll turn into my friend Moose who plays America’s favorite game every Friday night “what shirts do I not fit into anymore.” I haven’t gained weight since college because I have the metabolism of a Greek God. I think that might be at risk this baseball season, but God hates a coward and I won’t back down from a challenge. Let’s dance diabetes.