Source – The Sunshine State gave us the case of the armless man accused of stabbing a tourist, the woman who was shot after performing a sex act for Pringles and $5, the man who was jailed after giving his girlfriend a wet willy and the woman who chased her parents with a knife when they refused to take her to Outback.
It’s unclear how these stories make residents feel, but a minor league baseball team in Jacksonville is fully embracing the weird trouble Floridians often find themselves in.
The Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp will celebrate “Florida Man Night” on July 26.
The Double-A affiliate of the Miami Marlins has been pretty tight lipped about the promotion. But they did promise Jacksonville will break a weird Florida law in every single inning. …
The Jumbo Shrimp also confirmed Lane Pittman will be in attendance. He’s the Florida man famous for standing shirtless and shoeless in the middle of a road blasting Slayer’s “Raining Blood” as his hair and Old Glory blew in Hurricane Matthew’s Category 2-force winds.
Kudos to the promotions department of the Jumbo Shrimp. It’s Marketing 101 for an organization such as theirs to have pulse of their target audience. And clearly they do. Floridians deserve to have their culture celebrated as much as anyone else. And since every other team in the land is already doing Military Appreciation nights, First Responder ceremonies, Cancer Awareness days and the like, it’s important that someone finally recognize the great contributions to our society made by the podunk, low-rent, swamp rat, yokels who’ve made America’s Wang the bottomless well of entertainment that it is.
And the possibilities for the laws they break are probably endless. A quick search of dumblaws.com is all the Jumbo Shrimp will need.
From the ludicrous:
*It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
*Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
*It it illegal to park a pick-up truck in your driveway or in front of your house on the street. (Cape Coral)
To the weird sounding, but still probably good ideas:
*Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
*Torpedoes may not be set off in the city. (Destin)
*It is illegal to drive over graves in a cemetery. (Destin)
To the ones that make you wonder why they were ever necessary in the first place:
*It is illegal to drive over graves in a cemetery. (Hialeah)
*The molestation of trash cans is banned. (Daytona Beach)
*It is illegal for an owner of a store to allow another person to pass out free ducklings in front of the store. (Destin)
And not to be all self-serving about it, because I couldn’t possibly compete with a celebrity like Lane Pittman, but if the Jumbo Shrimp ever decide to honor that other unique part of their culture that’s made Florida great with a “Sex Scandal Teacher Night,” I’m available to throw out the first pitch.