A Spoiler-Free Review of the Official Patriots Super Bowl LIII Video
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I said “spoiler free” but I’ll warn you now there will be some of what us learned film scholars prefer to call “mild spoilers.” For instance, there’s a scene at the end of The New England Patriots: Super Bowl LIII Champions that involves confetti. And several scenes during the closing credits where there are Duckboats. And while that’s not exactly “Holy shit! Rosebud was a sled,” I’ll still try not to give too much away.
But in general, it’s incredible watching this thing to realize how far we’ve come and how much the world has changed since this Dynasty began. I got the Super Bowl XXXVI video on VHS. The next one on DVD. Some friends are buying it on streaming, but I went with the Blu-Ray for the Surround Sound quality. And it does not disappoint. It’s just hard to wrap your brain around all the advancements one dynasty has spanned, from the grainy, 4:3 aspect ratio videotape to the highest of def. With the same owner, coach and quarterback.
It’s surreal. Like I’ve said before, when I think about it, part of me worries I’m going to wake up and find out I’m still in February of 2002. Like I hit my head when Tebucky Jones’s fumble return touchdown was called back on a defensive hold, the Pats lost and I’ve been dreaming the 17 years since, Dorothy-style.
Anyway, a few of the highlights from this latest chapter in the boxed set of Patriots championship videos:
–The decision to open it with the cosmic nutpunch that was losing to Philadelphia last year is perfect. It’s classic storytelling. The dark beginning to a movie series that calls back to the last installment. Think the opening scene of LOTR: The Two Towers where Gandalf falls fighting the Balrog again. Followed by a little bit about the Offseason of Our Discontent, the doubts as to whether or not Tom Brady would even be back. Until it all gets better.
–And it gets better in the most Patriots way imaginable: With Bill Belichick being all business. A sudden transition to the sunshine and heat of training camp that is both jarring and oddly reassuring. He runs them through drills with specific down & distance and time left on the clock. “One minute!” “How many timeouts?” “None. We used them to get the ball back.” You have to watch it in context, remembering how the media insisted he had lost his team and they were basically in mutiny against him. But once again he was large and very much in charge.
–Weirdly part of what makes this one so worth watching is the games where they struggled. Sometimes badly. You tend to repress those memories but they’re all part of the Hero’s Journey this team went on. The Jacksonville game where everything went wrong, except for maybe Chris Hogan. The Detroit game where Brady threw his worst pick of the season into double coverage. The self-loathing where he drops the tablet in disgust. His later helmet toss at the bench. And of course, the plays so good they got names, “The Miracle in Miami” and “The Pick” in Pittsburgh. Which were talked about like the Biblical End Times but had no impact on the season.
–Two guys who really stand out are the Patriots’ impact rookies. JC Jackson’s three interceptions, coming early in the season when he was playing sparingly but being targeted by opposing quarterbacks are insane from any angle. And Sony Michel broke way more tackles than he gets credit for. It didn’t take long for Pats fans to catch onto what great acquisitions those two are, but this video will give you a new appreciation for them.
–Sweet Jesus to they play well against Andrew Luck. But looking back at the number this defense also did against DeShaun Watson, Patrick Mahomes (in the 1st half), Aaron Rodgers and Kirk Cousins will make you wonder why anyone ever doubted them.
–And to be fair, one of the reasons might be Mahomes’ second half. Compare and contrast what Tyreek Hill did against them in October with the job they did on him in the Super Bowl. It’s all on the film. And amazing to watch again.
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–As are the absolute laser-guided missiles Brady was throwing in that game. Crucial 1st throws to Hogan who made the catch while being interfered with, and another to Gronk up the seam. And Gronk’s stiff arm earholing of Ron Parker to pick up 42 yards might be the regular season highlight, all things considered.
–That Sunday Nighter against Kansas City would’ve been the best game in the league in practically any other season. And it turned out to not even be the best game between the two teams.
–I’d almost forgotten how close they came to letting that win in Chicago get away from them. So much went on this season that Mitchell Trubisky connecting with Kevin White on a 54-yarder at the 1 with no time left and it taking like three defensive backs from Rutgers to keep him out of the end zone was almost lost to history. Also, Josh Gordon was in coverage on the goal line. Which sort of foreshadowed Gronk being on the Hands Team at the end against Miami.
–You know how many times they say some variation of “fuck” in The Departed? That’s how many catches and runs Julian Edelman has where you can’t believe he’s able to get that open.
–I won’t give away the money shots from the postseason games. But a Rams assistant (I didn’t recognize him, don’t @ me) looks up in the stands and tells Sean McVay “There’s mostly Pats fans here,” and acknowledgement that the Super Bowl was basically a home game. (Thanks for screwing over the Saints, NFL!) And I might watch the part where McVay gives Belichick the Chris Farley Show “Remember when you were with the Beatles? That was awesome …” thing more than any other scene.
–At some point in the middle, the regular background music switches to NFL Films classic rock, just as pure fan service. They could go exclusively with that old soundtrack for every production they ever do going forward and I won’t complain. Play that stuff at my funeral and I’ll go to hell happy.
–One last thing. About that confetti scene? We’ve all already seen it 100 times. But the Irish Rose caught me crying real tears. Which is to say a single, manly, Spartacus tear. Go ahead and judge me. I apologize for nothing.
There is so much more, but suffice to say the Pats Super Bowl LIII video is Certified Fresh on Jerry Tomatoes. I give it two tissue boxes way up. I recommend you buy it. Because you’re not borrowing mine.