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Disney Announced The Official Opening Dates For The Upcoming Star Wars Land, Which Looks AWESOME

Disney- Minutes ago, we shared an exciting announcement many of you have been waiting to hear – Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge is opening ahead of schedule on May 31 at Disneyland Resort in Southern California and August 29 at Disney’s Hollywood Studios in Florida.

That’s right – it’s debuting early because of high guest interest in experiencing this new, immersive land. On opening day for phase one, you’ll be able to live your own Star Wars story and take the controls of the most famous ship in the galaxy aboard Millennium Falcon: Smugglers Run, sample amazing galactic food and beverages, explore an intriguing collection of merchant shops and more.

And for phase two, opening later this year, will be Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance, the most ambitious, immersive and advanced attraction ever imagined that will put guests in the middle of a climactic battle between the First Order and the Resistance and will blur the lines between fantasy and reality. In light of tremendous demand, Disney made the decision to open the land in phases to allow guests to sooner enjoy the one-of-a-kind experiences that make Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge so spectacular.

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Robbie and I after we step onto the Millennium Falcon for the first time before being able to fucking ride it and scratch the nerdiest itch ever thanks to our gracious/handsome leader Dave Portnoy sending us down for a video review on Peter Chernin’s dime:

Well it certainly appears that Disney is ready to blow its competition off the map Death Star style and turn Shamu into bantha fodder. I know Disney was already the big swinging dick of amusement parks, but opening a Star Wars Land a year after Toy Story Land debuted is about as unfair as it gets before you include the upcoming Marvel Land that will take every last dollar out of the fanny packs of families and lonely nerds alike.

I imagine the 5 biggest movies of every year for the next decade or so will either be a Marvel, Star Wars, Pixar, or Disney Animated flick with some sort of land in Disney devoted to them with 8 billion gift stores and food priced like it. At this rate, you can say that Disney is more unfair to their industry than the Warriors are. I mean sure you are going to get nature freaks like YP going to Sea World and the Harry Potter heads as well as Simpsons diehards will hit Universal. But damn, Disney has built a legit #superteam in their parks to go along with their movie franchises and that’s after they built an Avatar world that nobody asked for. However, we can get past that little slip up if Star Wars Land is as good as this video makes it look (I refuse to call it Galaxy’s Edge, by the way. That shit is Star Wars Land no matter what Bobby Iger says).

The only way this place isn’t awesome is if there is a Carrie Poppins flying ride of if you have to squirt your drinks out of an alien’s titty, which again, were actual scenes from a fucking Star Wars movie.

Okay, no more being a negative nerfherder about a movie that came out more than a year ago. Today is about being excited as a Star Wars fan. So if any of Barstool Power’s That Be AKA People On The 3rd Floor With Offices Or On The 2nd Floor With Access To The Expense Account are reading this, please send this dynamic duo back down to Florida to shoot one more Star Wars video (fuck the California Disney. Disney World for life)

Help us David-ElPres Portnoy, you are my only hope*

*To getting me to Star Wars Land without having to pay a zillion dollars or bring 2 little kids that will drive me crazy as I wait in lines packed with fellow geeks