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Where Can You Find The Best Drunk Food In Chicago?

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ELGIN, Ill. (WLS) — A man from northwest suburban Elgin was charged with his fifth DUI offense after passing out in his vehicle at a Taco Bell drive-thru Sunday morning.

ABC7 Eyewitness News partner The Daily Herald reports Fredi Hernandez was driving on a suspended license and without insurance.

Police said they discovered Hernandez asleep, waiting to order his food.

He allegedly smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and had a clear bag of suspected marijuana on his passenger seat.

Hernandez is due in court Friday.

Does this look like the face of an Elgin dude who passed out in the Taco Bell drive thru hammered getting a late night snack?

Yes, yes it does.  Sure, he looks like he could be an employee of Osama or some shit but that doesn’t matter.  You could have plastered any of these faces on here and the answer would still have been a resounding “yes, this looks like a guy who passed out drunk getting late night Taco Bell”.

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Because Taco Bell is just a staple of drunk food.  Everyone knows that.  Just ask Wrigleyville.  The drunkards of Wrigley were FURIOUS that it got torn down because of Baseball Disney World’s expansion.

Yeah, this guy is a fucking idiot.  Never get in a car and drive after drinking.  Not that there was every any excuse before, but with Uber/Lyft there’s even less reason to now.  Spend the $8.99, deal with some shitty forced conversation with the driver, and save yourself the hassle of spending a few nights in the Kane Country clink.

And also…. no free ads but Taco Bell has offered free delivery on Grub Hub since forever:

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Use your brain for me Fredi.

PS here’s are my favorite drunk places in Chicago.  And anyone who says Sarpinos should be tarred and feathered.

**DISCLAIMER** I don’t really like Chinese food at all so they’re all left off the list completely.  Also Wiener’s Circle isn’t that good either so don’t even think about telling me about them.

Also there are going to be obvious omissions here, like Taco Burrito King on the NW side, etc.  If I’ve missed any let me know in the comments.

5. Dimo’s Pizza Wrigleyville

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Is Dimo’s good pizza?  No.  Not at all. Is it good drunk pizza?  Yes, you better believe it.  Eating Dimo’s is part of the passage to adulthood for anyone living in the area after college.

4.  White Palace Grill West Loop/ Hollywood Grill Wicker Park/ The 24 Hour Diner on Chicago and… State? in River North

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Love me a good 3am countryside skillet.  Eggs over easy, side of corned beef hash.  Really hits the spot when you’re hammered.  Now I can’t remember the name of the place at Chicago and State but it’s another 24 hour diner and it rocks after a night out in River North.  Also – some people say 24 hour diners are “only good when you’re drunk!!”  Fuck outta here.  They’re good all hours of the day.

3.  The place on Wells street between North Ave and Division Street

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Now don’t even THINK about telling me I’m an idiot for not looking up the name of this place.  I don’t want to know the name of it.  That’s part of it’s allure.  Bar just closed at Declan’s and you’re pining for some late night eats?  Just head a few blocks north and look to your left your entire time.  There’s a good chance you’ll miss it, because don’t forget, you’re drunk. But there’s this little hole in the wall that serves all sorts of fine Mexican and American delicacies.  I think I’ve consumed no less than 1 million career mozzarella sticks at this place.

2.  The Little Mexican Ladies That Serve Tamales, Tacos and other Mexican Foods out of their cars and Mexican food in general

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This isn’t an actual restaurant, but every now and then, you’ll stumble across a little Mexican lady selling tamales out of her car outside bars at 3am.  All her food is made with TLC and it is always cheap and fucking delicious.  It’s always a treat when I run into one of these street vendors.  Throw her a $20, get 5 tamales, go to town on them, get home, pass out.  There’s never an exact location for her or others like her – she goes to where the good business is.  Sometimes you can find her in Wicker Park, other times in Wrigleyville.  If anyone is ever in Ukrainian Village, a family sells tamales and Mexican cheeseburgers out of their car at the dive bar on Western and Iowa.  I always spend like $30 on their little cheeseburger nacho things.  Delicious.  A good substitute is just any 3am Mexican joint in general.  Steak burrito suizo

1. Fatsos Last Stand, Ukrainian Village

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The GOAT of late night eatery.  Get the double ooey gooey with merkts cheddar.  It’s also stuffed with giardiniera.  Sure you’ll be feeling it the next day, but that’s fine.  It’s not only one of the best drunk burgers in Chicago, it’s one of the best burgers in Chicago period.