Gear Up for the Big Game | New Football T-Shirts, Hoodies, Hats, Beanies, Flags and MoreSHOP NOW

Good Guy Nick Foles Left His Monster Condom For His Magnum Dong Behind As A Parting Gift For Lane Johnson

Nick Foles leaving the Eagles in free agency is obviously a pretty bitter sweet scenario here. On one hand, it sucks that the only quarterback to ever bring a Super Bowl to the city of Philadelphia will no longer be on the team. He means so much to this city and seeing him in another uniform is going to be tough. But on the other hand, the average penis size in Philly will drop by several inches at the very least, which is great for all of us if we’re being perfectly honest. I’m a firm believer that in life, you should always strive to be average. Because if you strive to be average, there’s a good chance that you’ll at least end up somewhere just below average, and people can work with just below average. The issue with Nick Foles being in town is that average was no longer an attainable goal, no matter how hard you tried.

Just look at the size of that dong bag. I don’t think they even make them that size. That has to be a custom order.

So does it suck to see Nick Foles leave? Of course it does. But will it feel nice finally being able to say you have a slightly below average dick in the city of Philadelphia? Well that sounds like a dream.

God speed, BDN.

P.S. – Howie Roseman. The Wolf of Broad St.

@BarstoolJordie