Congrats Guys, We're The Drunkest City In America

(DailyBeast) - To figure out which cities imbibe the most throughout the year, The Daily Beast first reached out to market researcher Experian Marketing Services for recent data on the average number of alcoholic drinks per month per adult, in each metro area. As well, we pulled data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on the percentage of residents who are binge drinkers and heavy drinkers. For the final ranking, the average drinks per month rank was weighted 50 percent; the binge-drinking and the heavy-drinking population for each metro area each got a 25 percent weighting.

Here’s my problem with this study. Boston is also one of the smartest cities in America with the most colleges so we can’t be drunks. If you want to say Boston is packed to the gills with high functioning alcoholics then that’s fine. I’ll wear that hat. But you can’t call us drunks. Boston is your buddy in college who drank 20 beers a night and could somehow be bright eyed and bushy tailed for his 6 AM run before his 8 AM biology lab. Drunks are on Indian reservations and in the midwest. Drunks don’t do anything all day but drink Bud Heavies and sit in lawn chairs. That’s not Boston. The foolproof equation DailyBeast came up with may say we drink the most alcohol but we’re certainly not drunks.

And if you don’t want to give me that argument then fine: Boston is the funnest city in America. Every other city is the friend that goes to the bar and casually has a few beers and is a wallflower while the cool city dances his ass off, talks to chicks, and has a good time.

PS – since I have two links in there does that technically make this a researched article and therefore make me a reporter? Like to see a drunk pull off something like that.