Stealing A Bodega Cat In The Bronx Is A Wildly Reckless Move

Well you can cuncel this silly son of a bitch right this instant. Stealing a pet, no matter if it’s a dog, someone’s goldfish, an evil cat, or a cute little kitten that will one day grow into an evil cat is about as low and vile as it gets. But to steal a bodega cat that play a crucial part of the circle of life in New York City is pretty much placing an irreversible hex on your soul and guaranteeing nothing but pain for you in the afterlife. You would be better off lighting a Yankees hat on fire while denouncing Desus & Mero than stealing a bodega cat in the Bronx. I imagine there is a full manhunt going on in the Boogie Down for this sick motherfucker and there is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, whorehouse, crackhouse, jailhouse and House That Ruth Built in the area.

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I’m not sure if the Bronx has an official animal, but the unofficial animal of the Bronx is the bodega cat that keeps the lonely bodega clerk company while always being available to sell you shit to poison your body or something to suck up said poison in your body at all hours of the day and night while also taking care of whatever mutant pests this garbage city throw at it. Rats with switchblades, roaches with guns. It doesn’t matter. The bodega cat is the protector of that house while also tying the bodega together like The Dude’s rug. In fact, you can even make the case that once a bodega cat is taken from a bodega, that place ceases to exist as a bodega and is instead just a shitty deli with long hours and a ridiculous inventory list, which is a fate worse than bankruptcy. So if you see something that could help the authorities find this scumbag, say something to the police or local vigilante looking to dole out street justice.

VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE: