Last Night My Heart Almost Exploded

So now that I’m seeing myself on camera more and more, I realize of quickly become a fat again.  Now I know you’re gonna say, “WSD you’ve always been fat” and probably include a picture of the fat mouse from Cinderella in a reply:

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But that’s not true.  For like a 3 year stretch I was actually fit as fuck.  Ran a shit ton and ate healthy.  Then the 2018-19 football season rolled around and that ended swiftly.  It was a steady diet of Italian beef, pizza and fried food paired with a completely sedentary lifestyle.

But I’ve decided that I’m gonna get back in shape.  Thought I’d give Orange Theory a shot last night.  It was an excellent workout and I actually did finish it.

Now if you don’t know what Orange Theory is, it’s an hour long interval workout with treadmills, free weights and rowing machines.  You’re strapped up to a heart rate monitor which is then connected to different TV screens in the facility so you can see how hard you’re working.

Most people gradually increase to the red.  Not me though.  Not my fat ass.  I was on the treadmill at 6.5 for about 3 minutes and then my heart said “what the fuck was happening”.


it was so bad that the coach pulled me aside after the workout and asked if I felt like I was going to pass out or if my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest.  Did I almost pass out?  I don’t think so.  Was my heart beating out of my chest?  Judging by the chart above, yes, yes it was.  They said this was an unhealthily abnormal health rate.  Heart attack levels.  The rest of the class was horrified by my results.

After I explained to everyone that I sit on my couch and blog in my underwear all day they gave me a disgusted look.  Just perplexed that I treat my body like complete and total shit.  “It’s fine after a few sessions and eating healthy it’ll stabilize for you and you’ll lose a lot of weight.”

Joke’s on them though, I went home, showered, and got Mexican food.