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Chicago Is Proposing A "Floating Eco-Park" Which Is Really Just A Lazy River

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(source)–SOM has revealed their design for the world’s first floating eco-park along the Chicago River. Called Wild Mile Chicago, the project is sited between Chicago and North avenues along the east side of Goose Island. A group of ecologists and activists called Urban Rivers is working with the city to realize the plan. The mile-long project is being created with government officials and private developers to include new wildlife, recreational and educational additions to the river’s North Branch.

I LOVE an ambitious construction project. Gets my blood pumping. Something new. Something exciting. Something I could say “hey, maybe I should go outside and check that out” while I’m sitting inside and scrolling through twitter on my couch. This one though, this thing got me excited. Look at these pictures

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Nice little river walk path, skyline, if you’re feeling adventurous you can rent a little kayak and take a sunset booze cruise for two downtown. And if you’re feeling like a complete asshole you can rent one of those inflatable soccer ball things and walk down the river as shown in the next picture

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There are very few simple pleasures in life that beat the lazy river. An inner-tube a floating cooler, a bunch of your buddies, and sun screen that you accidentally forgot in the car so you’re going to get fried because you’re floating on a river for 5 hours getting shit hammered. Its the best. And now apparently it’s coming to Chicago in 2020.

The best part is how these people packaged it up. If you went to City Council and said “hey the river is disgusting and an embarrassment and we should work to clean it up”. I am guessing the response would be something like

There is NOTHING sexy about cleaning up the river. It’s been disgusting for 100+ years and nobody seems to care that much. Nobody wants to get behind your ol run of the mill clean up. You call it “The World’s First Ever Floating Eco-Park” and the reaction is

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That is sexy. Sounds sexy as fuck. Its a park and it floats. I mean…whoa. And its the first ever, not to brag. No city has ever put trees and grass and birds around water before. Chicago is inventing that shit.  And it is all ours to enjoy in the summer of 2020. A River System so clean even a mouse might go for a swim. So just make sure when you do float down the North Branch next year, clean up your empty Miller Lite cans that you have consumed responsibly.