Cleveland Pitcher Trevor Bauer's Three Dating Rules End Up With Him SMASHING Mad Buttcheeks

“I have three rules,” he said. “One: no feelings. As soon as I sense you’re developing feelings, I’m going to cut it off, because I’m not interested in a relationship and I’m emotionally unavailable. Two: no social media posts about me while we’re together, because private life stays private. Three: I sleep with other people. I’m going to continue to sleep with other people. If you’re not OK with that, we won’t sleep together, and that’s perfectly fine. We can just be perfectly polite platonic friends.”

Honesty is the best policy in my opinion so let’s take a look at the three rules.

1. One: no feelings. As soon as I sense you’re developing feelings, I’m going to cut it off, because I’m not interested in a relationship and I’m emotionally unavailable.

This one is tough for me because I love holding hands and spring flings. Back in my dating days, I was known to fall in love very quickly. You like the same restaurants as me? Love. You like to bowl? Love. You like to ride around listening to old sappy songs while the sun gently falls to sleep? Love. You like to tickle my prostate? Love. It’s really as simple as that. Trevor banning himself from love isn’t something that I could do but he’s open about it so I respect that. You respect my opinions? Love.

Two: no social media posts about me while we’re together, because private life stays private

I agree! I’d never post anything about my family online. It’s wrong to do that. We discuss that and so much more on this week’s episode of Podfathers Show. If you’re looking for just that part of the show, it’s at about minute 22 right after we Power Rank our kids. Sometimes public personalities let people in just a little too much and I find that gross. I will never do that.

Three: I sleep with other people. I’m going to continue to sleep with other people. If you’re not OK with that, we won’t sleep together, and that’s perfectly fine. We can just be perfectly polite platonic friends.”

Goodness gracious, Trevor. Save some pussy for the rest of us.

“Some pussy, sir. Some pussy for the poor. Pussy for the poor, sir. Please. My testicles are dying.”

How does that type of thing even come up? If I was dating now, I’d be so lost because as we go back to Trevor’s Rule One, if you let me inside you… love. That was creepy, right? Saying “inside you.” Reminds me of longtime stoolie Aldous Snow.