Pope Retires To A Life Of Banging His Awesome Boyfriend Butler "Gorgeous Georg"

Andrew Sullivan – Benedict’s trusted secretary, Monsignor Georg Gänswein, will be serving both pontiffs — living with Benedict at the monastery inside the Vatican and keeping his day job as prefect of the new pope’s household. Asked about the potential conflicts, Lombardi was defensive, saying the decisions had been clearly reasoned and were likely chosen for the sake of simplicity. “I believe it was well thought out,” he said.  So Benedict’s handsome male companion will continue to live with him, while working for the other Pope during the day. Are we supposed to think that’s, well, a normal arrangement? I wrote a while back about Gänswein’s intense relationship with Ratzinger, while noting Colm Toibin’s review of Angelo Quattrochi’s exploration of Benedict, “Is The Pope Gay?”. Here’s Toibin getting to some interesting stuff: Gänswein is remarkably handsome, a cross between George Clooney and Hugh Grant, but, in a way, more beautiful than either. In a radio interview Gänswein described a day in his life and the life of Ratzinger, now that he is pope: The pope’s day begins with the seven o’clock Mass, then he says prayers with his breviary, followed by a period of silent contemplation before our Lord. Then we have breakfast together, and so I begin the day’s work by going through the correspondence. Then I exchange ideas with the Holy Father, then I accompany him to the ‘Second Loggia’ for the private midday audiences. Then we have lunch together; after the meal we go for a little walk before taking a nap. In the afternoon I again take care of the correspondence. I take the most important stuff which needs his signature to the Holy Father. When asked if he felt nervous in the presence of the Holy Father, Gänswein replied that he sometimes did and added: ‘But it is also true that the fact of meeting each other and being together on a daily basis creates a sense of “familiarity”, which makes you feel less nervous. But obviously I know who the Holy Father is and so I know how to behave appropriately. There are always some situations, however, when the heart beats a little stronger than usual.’

So Pope retired today. Big, big deal for the Catholics. Over here in Jewville Barstool Sports nobody even knows who he is. But out of nowhere Big Cat sends me this article about Pope’s “Live in partner” Gorgeous Georg. I guess the half Gentile side of him stumbled upon it. Well no fucking kidding Pope is retiring! He’s got some smokeshow butler boyfriend to go live his life with. He said he’s retiring because he’s old and he can’t stop all the other priests from banging little boys and blah blah blah. Thats obviously all just a front. He’s got a fucking studly servant who goes by the name Gorgeous Georg (no E on the end, there) to take naps with and shit. This guy is on the cover of magazines. He’s described as the George Clooney of the Vatican. If you were an old ass Pope with not much time left would you rather spend your remaning days in church and dealing with sex scandals and shit? Or hanging out with your awesome famous boyfriend who basically takes care of all your shit for you?

Its an absolute no brainer. I mean I’m of the school of thought that almost every priest has at least a hint of homo, so it doesn’t come as a surprise that the top dog priest might be the gayest of gay. But I’m straight as a fucking arrow and even I’d be tempted to live a life with Gorgeous Georg. Sounds like he basically takes care of all the mail and the bills and then cooks for you and takes naps with you. I’m gonna read between the lines and assume theres probably some blow jobs in there as well. Obviously I’d prefer it if he wasn’t a 60 year old German priest, but I’m just saying for an old Pope thats am offer you can’t refuse. I’d retire for a life with G.G. too.