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Yahoo Employees Upset That They Aren't Allowed To Work From Home Anymore

(NEWSER) – Marissa Mayer’s recently announced ban on telecommuting at Yahoo has caused quite a brouhaha; now, the company is responding. “This isn’t a broad industry view on working from home,” the firm says in a statement issued yesterday, per the New York Times. “This is about what is right for Yahoo right now.” That was essentially the extent of its comments, but the Times also spoke with Yahoo workers who say a number of employees are slacking. (Earlier reports noted that Mayer had grown frustrated with employees who trickled in and left right at 5pm.) Requiring them to show up at the office could restore some enthusiasm—and allow the company to monitor the situation. Indeed, some telecommuters have even started their own companies while working from home on Yahoo’s dime, the workers say. Some employees might quit, but the company would prefer to lose the dead wood. Meanwhile, at Business Insider, Henry Blodget—who works part-time for Yahoo—comes to Mayer’s defense. “For the past decade, Yahoo has been in desperate need of a CEO who is willing to set a high bar and make the tough, unpopular decisions necessary to whip the company back into shape,” he writes. “Mayer has demonstrated that she is more than capable of doing that.”

You gotta love the Yahoo employees freaking out about this. Acting like one of their Constitutional freedoms is being taken away because they have to go to the office now. Gimme a fuckin break. “Working From Home” is literally the greatest scam since the Catholic Church invented modern day religion. And anyone who says that working from home doesn’t affect their productivity or quality of work is a a fucking LIAR. When I was an accountant I worked at a place where you could work from home like an unlimited amount of times. So not only were you home like twice a week, but at any given moment half the office was working from home too. It was like a goddam holiday every day of the week. You know what I did? I built a fucking New York City smut empire for Barstool Sports. Sat at my desk slangin smut in between ALT+E+S+V because nobody was fucking there to stop me. Everyone was fucking “working” from home! They were “telecommuting!” They were “available via email!” For Sure NOT.

I mean don’t get me wrong – if I worked for Yahoo and “WFH” twice a week for 10 years and now all the sudden this Seaward CEO pulled the rug out from underneath me, I’d be devastated too. But I wouldn’t get on my high horse and talk about how unfair it is. You got mothers complaining about being able to raise their kids and people talking about the freedom telecommuting allows. Give me a fucking BREAK. Everyone working from home does the same exact fucking thing – you wake up and login to your IM/Chat/Messenger service so you’re “active” and go back to sleep for an extra hour. Watch Price is Right at 11am. Move the mouse around so that you still have a “green dot.” Send a couple emails, watch a TNT or TBS movie. Maybe make one phone call if you’re feeling ambitious. And you call it a day at about 4pm. Yea it sucks that this bitch came to her senses and realized her company is going down the tubes because everyone is slacking, but what can you do? I’d put my head down, go to the office, and say “Its been a good run.” Its like when you get free movie channels for a little while and eventually the cable company realizes it and takes them away. Are you up in arms that they cancelled your free channels? No. You realize you were snaking it and working the system and someone finally came to their senses and now its back to real life.

Or just quit your job all together and get a fake job like me. And by quit I mean drag it out until you get fired. Viva La Stool!