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Ryan Howard Actually Asked Another Human Being: "Would You Like To Switch Places? You Want To See What It's Like?"

700level – Faced with some tough questions after the Phils’ 4-2 win on Sunday, a less-than-magnanimous Howard sarcastically asked a reporter if he wants to trade places. “You want to trade places? You want to see what it’s like?” Before any reporters could ask their next question—which presumably would’ve been Where do I get in line?—Howard answered for them. “No, you don’t.”

WOW. He was already despised for making so much and caring so little. But with that, Ryan Howard has crowned himself the least liked athlete in Philadelphia. Let the fans eat cake. I would call him a walking vagina but even a labia with legs could hit a curve ball off a lefty every once in a blue moon.

Yo, bro. You make $25 MILLION a year for playing a kid’s game. Yeah, you get scrutinized for your shitty play on the field like you’re under a magnifying glass. Big whoop. THIS IS THE HOUSE YOU’RE GOING TO LIVE IN WHEN IT’S FINALLY DONE. That billion dollar Florida mansion has a Lazy River for Christ’s sake. People have to deal with shit everyday in their miserable lives and don’t have fuck you money they can go home and Scrooge McDuck in to relax. I get boo’d and threatened multiple times a day and I consider tuna outside the can a delicacy delivered by the God’s. So, please Ryan, spare us the pity party before the great memories become overshadowed for good.

Meanwhile, here’s Papa John’s with the cocktease of the century to every single Phillies fan out there who would like the opportunity to have 50% off of shitty pizza.

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They need to score 5 runs, AND win the game? There’s a better shot at Ben Revere having the strength to get it out of the infield on the fly than both of those scenarios happening.