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Namaste, Mother Fuckers: There's A Real Future In Rage Yoga, Where You Just Curse A Lot And Drink Beer Whilst Doing Yoga

I’ll be honest. I can 100% get behind Rage Yoga. I’ve actually been thinking for a while now that I’d like to get into a little bit of yoga. I’m starting to get up there in age a little bit. Coming up on 27. I need to figure out a way to stay in shape without having to do an actual workout like running. So I figure yoga would be a good way to mix it up a little. The only issue is I feel like I would end up hating most of the people who I would be taking yoga classes with. I don’t want to get preached at by a bunch of vegan hippies for an hour while I’m just trying to make sure that my body doesn’t fall apart on me here before I get to 30. Also I’m not a huge fan of being in a room with a bunch of strangers who all have their shoes off. Just feels weird to me.

But rage yoga? I think there’s a future in that. For starters, I think that the beer drinking would be able to offset the uncomfortability of everybody having their shoes off. I think when you’re drinking with others, you immediately become friends. It’s not weird being in a room with your friends when everybody has their shoes off, just when they’re all strangers. So that part alone is an added bonus. And then the fact that you can just say “piss” and “shit” and “fuck” whenever you want without a care in the world? That’s just solid comedy. It’s like when Cartman pretends that he has Tourettes in South Park. Being able to freely curse in non-traditional settings like that is a highly enjoyable experience.

I think the only downside to rage yoga would be the farts. I feel like farting is already pretty common place with regular yoga considering you’re bending and twisting your body all over the place. But once you start mixing some beer in with your yoga? Yikes. I mean imagine being in a room with a bunch of people who have their shoes off and everybody is ripping IPA farts. Doesn’t sound like a place where you’d want to spend a lot of time. But as long as these places invest in some air fresheners and you get a spot up at the front of the class so you don’t have somebody’s asshole directly in your face? I think you should still be good to go. So count me in on Rage Yoga.