Surviving Barstool | Ep. 3 Premieres Wednesday (11/29) at 8PM ETWATCH EP. 2 NOW

Can I Get You A Rag Or Something, M'Lady?

When this video came across the ole Chaps News Wire, I started blushing because I was literally walking an older woman across the street by a Taco Bell near my house. She looked lost and confused so I helped her. She was being nosey as hell, like most olds are, and said to me, “my vagina hasnt looked like that since my Harold went and met Jesus.”

She meant vulva because, lest we forget, the vulva is the entire pussy while the vagina is really just the innards.

Anyway, I felt uncomfortable that she mentioned her previous wetness but it was worth it in the long run because she got me a cheesy gordita crunch. The caloric intake is higher than I had rationed for lunch but I’ll skip carbs at dinner and be fine. Because of the CGC, I’m too bloating for sex which has my wife in an uproar. It’ll be fine. I’m not a piece of meat, after all. I can’t succumb to every sexual fantasy at the drop of hat.

As a last note, I’d be derelict in my duties if I failed to mention that you shouldn’t go chasing lady waterfalls. It’s very rare to experience someone that wet. If you do, it’s likely pee. Be careful. I think that’s how Chili and T-Boz lost their good friend’s Left Eye. Splish splash and whathaveyou.