Another week at Barstool, another week of racist, homophobic, misogynistic, deranged comments from anonymous readers! It hasn’t exactly been my favorite week. Pretty rough. I thought the first 3 were better. But I picked out a couple favorites and then I just filled out the rest of the 5 based on the comments that got voted to the top of the page. Figured if you animals liked them then I’ll give you what you want. I’ll be honest though, everyone was playing for 2nd place after one comment made on Wednesdays post about the chick in the combine. Lets get to it:
5. Blog: Women Scamming Men Into Sending Them Dick Pics And Then Blackmailing Them – Commenter: cantgetthestinkout: “My dick looks like it should have dijon mustard on the tip and a toothpick through the middle of it. Not exactly photo worthy.” If you send a dick pic and you think you’re turning a chick on, you are sadly, sadly mistaken. Your pig in a blanket is not making her wet.
4. Blog: Kirsten Stewart Voted #1 In Top Ten List Of Least Sexy Actresses – Commenter: Jasmitty – i would 1000% fuck every chick on this list. you think that any of them rival the grossest broad(s) that i’ve fucked in my drunken lifetime??? absolutely not. true story – i was in colombia a few years ago and i met this irish broad that literally had B.O. long story short, i was drunk, she was there, i fucked her, end of story. don’t judge me. I wouldn’t be surprised if every single commenter in Barstool Sports history can tell this exact same story. Irish chick that stinks but was in the right place at the right time. Or wrong place/wrong time depending on how you look at it. Also he’s right – no matter how much we may bash celebrities on Guess That Ass and what not, we’d “1000% fuck all of them.”
3. Blog: The Definitive List Of Best School Days – Commenter: Bobcabbit: “I remember sitting in front of the tv waiting for the school snow day listings… please please please – I don’t want to get called fat all day just want to sit home please” Now if I had to guess you commenters will say you don’t like this choice. Because its not something about sucking farts or making fun of my girlfriend or lazy eye or whatever. But this is what I’m trying to show you. Comments like these are the funniest. Some dude recalling the days of when he was a fat motherfucker in school praying for a snow day so he didn’t have to go to school and get bullied from 8:30am to 3pm. Half the commenters on the Stool were probably the fat kids, half the commenters were the bullies. “Please please please.” Hilarious.
2. Blog: Remember That Idiot Kid Who Kept Eating All The Furniture In His House? The Internet Gave Him $50,000 To Buy A New Chew-Proof Room – Commenter: Honcho – “I eat out my wife…still waiting for someone to send me a new one in the mail” I absolutely love when you guys make fun of your own wives. Nothing funnier than envisioning some 40 year old dude married with kids who’s only escape from his miserable reality is making a commenter name “Honcho” and bashing his wife anonymously.
1. Blog: Some Broad Is Gonna Compete In The Combine – Commenter: herbie versmells – “when I first moved in with my girlfriend I used to think they did all of those things. Right now I’m looking at a sandwich I made, wearing a shirt I ironed myself, and I’m trying to master the art of blowing myself” Like I said folks, everyone was playing for second place after Herbie’s comment on Wednesday. For anyone thats ever dated or moved in with a girl, he absolutely knocked it out of the park.
Late entry update – 1a. Blog: Dear Prudence, My Wife And I Came From The Same Sperm Donor – Commenter: Jesterly - “Odds that one of their three biological children was retarded and this dude switched it at the hospital??” If you listen to KFC Radio you know why this is so perfect.
Thats it for this week. Step it up for next Friday you slugs. I’m even down to post racist jokes or jokes ragging on me but they gotta be funny enough. Like that one about Mexican people fucking anything last week was gold. Lets get back to that.
UPDATE: I missed one. One of my favorite of the week too:
Blog: Most Important Technological Study Of Our Time: You’re More Likely To Go To A Strip Club For Your Bachelor Party If You Use An AOL Email Account. Commenter – Matchbox20_4l: “After my parents split my dad created the email “MrGudBar4U”. He told us it was bc Mr. Goodbar was his favorite candy bar.” Thats such an unbelievably creepy dad email address its not even funny. Imagine seeing your new single dad trolling around AOL asking a/s/l from MrGudBar4U@aol.com?