Barstool’s Weekend Soccer Preview – The “City’s Title Hopes vs Chelsea’s Top Four Deams” Edition

Sam's Army2/09/2019 4:35 AM

Sam’s Safe Space For Soccer Stoolies

Hi Haters™,

Football is dead. Long live football. With that out of the way, and because nobody cares about basketball or hockey until the playoffs, and since baseball hasn’t started yet… I feel like there are parallels between this weekend and the scene from the movie “Misery”:

I fear that many of you may not have caught that flick. Oh well. Perhaps you should. They don’t make them like that anymore.

Annnnnnnnyway, let’s get back to business: soccer. If you don’t pop a little chub just thinking about how incredible this TWO-team EPL title race is going to be coming down the stretch then you either have impotency issues or are a Liverpool fan – or possibly both. The Reds somewhat unexpected dip in recent form combined with City’s all too predictable reversion to the mean essentially confirms what people with brains already knew: the next few months are gonna be speck-tack-you-lar.

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ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE

Scores from last weekend:

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POWER RANKINGS

TOP 4
1. City
2. Liverpool
3. United
4. Chelsea
Honorable mention: Arsenal, Wolves, Tottenham

BOTTOM 3
20. Huddersfield

19. Fulham
18. Cardiff
Dishonorable mention: Brighton, Burnley

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Table as it stands now:

And this weekend’s schedule:

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PICKS OF THE WEEKEND

City [-205]
Chelsea [+550]
Draw [+335]

These two teams will face off later this month to lift the season’s first trinket. You could make an argument that Sunday’s game is more important, though, considering how close the respective battles for the title (City) and top four (Chelsea) are shaping up to be.

City are more dangerous on paper and come into the game in better form – quick reminder that Chelsea is only 10 days removed from taking a 0-4 spanking from Bournemouth. HOWEVA, the Blues have proven they can more than play with City – quick reminder that Chelsea handed Pep & Co. their first loss of the season back in December, and looked pretty damn good doing it.

Several things to keep in mind heading into the game… two trending in Chelsea favor: 1) City played a midweek game while Chelsea rested and 2) Higuain has now had a more suitable period to acclimate to his West London surroundings… and one going the other way: for some reason Eden Hazard thought it would be a good idea to tell the world that he has made his decision on whether to go to Real Madrid this summer – note: he’s 10000% going to Real Madrid this summer – but at the same time isn’t telling people (publicly anyway) what his decision is and it is hard to imagine your best player all but admitting he’s leaving at the end of the season won’t have at least a little impact on the dressing room dynamic.

If it was pretty much any team other than City then I’d say the midweek game could be a crucial difference. Pep – must be nice! – was able to rest guys like KDB and Sterling in the Everton game so this is the type of game where all that goodgood oil money can make a real difference. So while City has the depth to overcome a few pairs of tired legs, I can’t help thinking Chelsea will make this a close game (which is really going out on a limb considering the Blues’ away form). It is still way too soon to say how Higuain is going to fit with Chelsea but I could imagine him giving Stones and Otamendi a tough time. I’m going with a 1-1 draw.

Liverpool [-550]
Bournemouth [+1250]
Draw [+600]

Dang. The bookies see this as being way more of a mismatch than I would have thought. Have they see Liverpool play lately? You know Klopp is starting to feel the pressure because his postgame press conference – still a long-winded and rambling as ever – are now punctuated with “reasons” (aka excuses) for his club’s poor result. A lot of people have been pining for me to bring back the Wheel of Excuses but, alas, it is officially on temporary hiatus along with the podcast, but suffice to say it was a bad look after the West Ham game when Klopp blamed the refs for the 1-1 result when in actual fact Liverpool’s goal was 1000000% offside but the refs didn’t call it.

Listen, I like Klopp as much as the next guy (probably more in fact unless they are a die-hard Liverpool fan), but he needs to chill with the blame game and focus on getting Liverpool’s head screwed on straight. He should probably start with Firmino who has been hit and miss all season but was awful against the Hammies.

As for Bournemouth, your guess is as good as mine about what to expect. One minute they are curb-stomping Chelsea and the next they are getting taken to the cleaners by Cardiff. The Cherries can give just about anybody trouble on their day, but I don’t think Saturday is going to be their day. Liverpool’s defense – especially if Alexander-Arnold can take over for Milner who has been a brave soldier but just doesn’t have the legs for right back anymore – is likely to be strong enough to neutralize Bournemouth’s strength, so it is just up to the likes of Salah, Mane, Firmino and Shaqiri to put a few away. I’ll take those odds. Liverpool to win 2-0.

Additional picks (so I eventually get one right maybe):

• FULHAM vs UNITED – This could turn out to be a tricky game for the Red Devils whose performances – while night and day versus the Jozay Era – have not been anywhere near as impressive as the results. Also, *importantly* it would not be a huge shock if Ole Gunnar sat some guys (or at least tried to give them a little rest) ahead of next week’s big’un against PSG in the Champions League. The thought of Jones plus Bailly as United’s CB pairing is probably make Mitrovic salivate as we speak. In the end though Fulham will probably concede twice to Martial in ~~Fergie~~ Ole Time to settle for a 2-2 draw.

• PALACE vs WEST HAM – Wilfy Zaha is back for Palace but that hasn’t meant nearly as much this season as it did last year, which is a prime reason they are sneaky close to being dragged into the relegation dogfight. This is one of those games that could go either way but the Hammies’ form against Liverpool on Monday was just too impressive for me to ignore (in other words run in the other direction). West Ham to win 2-1.

• HUDDERSFIELD vs ARSENAL – Congrats to the (potentially Aubameyang-less) Gooners for winning this week’s “Who gets to play Huddersfield” lottery. Arsenal to win 3-1.

• SOUTHAMPTON vs CARDIFF – Funny thing about the Saints’ resurgence under Hasenhuttl: the most eye-catching difference has been the new coach’s aggressive pressing style, however, the more telling difference has been Southampton’s finishing, which has been night and day versus under Mark Hughes. Not sure you can really attribute that part to Hasenhuttl unless he is doing a helluva lot more shooting drills in practice. Annnnnnnnyway, Cardiff just beat Bournemouth, which ain’t nothing but that was at home. Bluebirds are poop on the road. Southampton to win 1-0.

• WATFORD vs EVERTON – This should be a sneaky good game but the Hornets are missing a ton of important players (eg, Pereyra and Doucoure) and maybe – jussssssst maybe – the Toffees will take something from the closer-than-the-score-suggests loss to City on Wednesday. Everton to win 2-1.

• BRIGHTON vs BURNLEY – Brighton is a bitch to play at home. Burnley have regrouped from their turrrrrrrible start to quietly have become just plain be a bitch to play anywhere. Sounds like a baby-splitting situation. I’ll say 1-1 draw.

• TOTTENHAM vs LESTER – It is only a matter of time until Spurs’ recent form bites them in the ass. The wins over Fulham, Watford and Newcastle have papered over the fact they just aren’t that good without Dele and Kane. Lester have shown they can be giant-killers, and taking down Spurs in their present condition is more akin to taking down a one-armed giant who is fresh off ACL surgery. Lester to win 2-1.

• WOLVES vs NEWCASTLE – MIGGY TIME! (Maybe.) Almiron will be on the team sheet for the Magpies’ visit to the Molineux on Monday, though whether Rafa gives him the start remains to be seen. I’m excited to see if he can bring some much-needed creativity to a midfield that has been about as exciting as a professional football game involving the New England Patriots and Los Angeles Rams. (Maybe less.) Wolves haven’t been a whole lot more “dynamic” but my god are they effective. To be honest this is a tough fixture for Almiron to make his debut in if in fact that happens given how adept Wolves are at putting a stranglehold on in middle third of the field. I was leaning 1-1 draw but after rethinking the matchup it’s probably just a little too early to expect Almiron to have such a big impact against a very solid opponent (on the road no less). ~~Wolves to win 2-1~~. EFF IT THE HATER SAID I WOULDN’T BUT YOLO OFFICIAL PICK: 1-1 draw.

Fact: I’m as shocked as you are that Big Boy Ashley actually did it.

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LAP AROUND THE WORLD

SPAIN – MADRID DÆRBY! We are in the middle of a bigggggggggg week for Los Blancos as they faced Barcelona on Wednesday and pop across town to play Atleti on Saturday (9:15am CT) before heading to Ajax next week in Champions League.

GERMANY – Funny story about Bayern Munich: they are in THIRD place at the moment. I know, crazy, but they have on paper what should be a somewhat doable home game against strugglers – in the league anyway – McKennie’s Schalke (Saturday at 11:30am CT on FS2) who sit in a somewhat embarrassing 12th at the moment. Want more? Well you’re in luck fam because the BVBabyjesus welcome Hoffenheim earlier that morning (8:30am CT on FS2) as well.

ITALY – Ugly weekend in Serie A with the best game probably being 9th place Fiorentina hosting 2nd place Napoli on Saturday (11am on espn+),

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So there we have it. Reminder: Solid couple days of soccer and pretty much only soccer coming up followed by………………

8-CL