Tom Brady Just Told Father Time To "Just Take The L"

Hey Father Time, SUCK TOM BRADY’S DICK.

I actually blogged about this during the year, on November 14th (after the Titans game), so here’s what I said: Stop Calling That Loser Father Time Undefeated

Tom Brady played at a sub-MVP level this weekend, and in some recent weeks, so of course you have the talking heads coming out about his demise. One day they will be right, but since it’s a drum they’ve been beating for six years it’s become painfully cliche and boring.

However, their assurance that Tom Brady is bad, or will be soon, isn’t even the most frustrating part for me. It’s the constant claim that “Father Time is undefeated” from every Tom, Dick, and Harry. It’s not just bloviators on midday sports talk shows, it’s everyone on Twitter or standing next to you on the subway who thinks they’re an incredible genius. Everyone who has said “Father Time is undefeated” thinks they themselves invented the phrase and they are the smartest person in the room.

To anyone who says it I simply say shut the FUCK up.

I’m not saying Father Time is the New York Jets, he’s not some joke franchise who gets his ass kicked week in and week out, but he’s not undefeated. Father Time is good but he loses pretty regularly. Once you’ve played well past the time when people are supposed to play, or lived longer than people are supposed to live, or made hits after musicians are supposed to have died of an OD then you beat Father Time.

Brett Favre beat Father Time, Jaromir Jagr beat Father Time, Vince Carter, Randy Johnson, Gordie Howe, and, yes, Tom Brady all kicked the shit out of Father Time. Every time you read an article about how Nate wants to have sex with the oldest woman on earth, that woman has beaten Father Time. The Who and The Rolling Stones beat Father Time.

If you’re in a young man’s league and are an old man then Father Time is your gimp. You walk him around on a leash every time you step on a field. Is everyone going to die one day? They sure are. But if you are the person who has already been born that will live to 150, as science has predicted, then one day you will hold the title of Daddy Time Beater. Once you set the new standard to how long you can expect someone to be great, or at least the number where it’s not shocking to have them still be a useful member of the team and/or society, then Time takes the L.

Saying Father Time is undefeated is stupid. He loses way more often than you think.