Do You Hate Mornings? Maybe This New Latte That's Mixed With Malort Is Just What You Need - UPDATE With the Barstool Chicago Taste Test

WGN - Deep dish. Hot dogs. The Garret Mix. Chicago has no shortage of signature flavors, and now a coffee shop on the North Side is taking one of the more infamous offerings and putting a new spin on it.

Finom Coffee in Old Irving Park has added a Malort Chai-town Latte to its menu. That’s right — Malort.

The Chicago Tribune reported that Finom Coffee’s chef Rafael Esparza created the drink using Emperor’s House chai from Rare Tea Cellar, soy milk and a “house-made Malort syrup”.

A few things here off the bat:

1. I need to make a bottle of this syrup so I can pour it onto Whitesoxdave’s pancakes one morning and watch him chunk.

2. The coffee shop owners shouldn’t be allowed to do this since they’ve never tried Malort.

Good for the Esparza’s that they don’t drink (you can see it on the second Instagrams caption if you click on it), but it should be illegal to sell “Chicago Style Latte’s” since they’ve never had one themselves. They just don’t know what it’s like to have a great night out, and then be hit with a random nuke of Malort that your asshole friend mixed in with the tray of Jameson. They don’t know the pressure you had to endure to take your first one. It’s legitimately a right of passage that you have to earn by taking one yourself.

This also may become the new “Chocolate Milkshake” when you have friends in town. After a drunken night show them the shake at Weiner Circle, and then in the morning head to this place for another sneak attack. That will surely put your friend in a blender to the point of them thinking Chicago is the best city ever or never wanting to come back. A win-win situation for us. If you’re cool with it then you’re fun enough for this city. If not, beat it.

Regardless, Malort coffee is now a thing. Now, Barstool Chicago needs to do you all a favor, and give you an honest review of it.