BREAKING NEWS: 9 Year Old Mexican Girl Who Gave Birth Is Not 9 Years Old. She's At Least 12 or 13

MEXICO CITY — Authorities in the Mexican state of Jalisco say tests have revealed that a girl who gave birth two weeks ago is between 12 and 13 years of age, not 9 as the parents had claimed. Jalisco state prosecutors also say the girl was impregnated by her stepfather and not her alleged 17-year-old boyfriend. Authorities announced last week that a 9-year-old had given birth to a baby girl and that they were looking for her boyfriend But prosecutors said Wednesday that DNA tests revealed the baby’s father is the girl’s 44-year-old stepfather and that he is under arrest. They said an anthropological study of the girl showed she is between 12 and 13. The girls’ parents didn’t have a birth certificate for her and initially told authorities she was 9.

Phew. Thank Goodness. This makes a lot more sense. 13 years old in Mexican Years is like at least 18. So this is much more acceptable than initially thought. I don’t know what it is, but those Latina chicks age like Robin Williams in Jack. They got boobs coming out the womb. By the time they hit their Quinceanera they got mustaches. So 12 or 13 is pretty much prime years for Mexican chicks to give birth.

Just goes to show that you can’t trust anybody who can’t provide a real birth certificate. Doesn’t matter if its a “23” year old left handed reliever from the Dominican Republic or a pre-pubescent girl from Mexico – if you’re from the Latin world solid rule of thumb is to double their fake age, then subtract half their fake age. So a 9 year old girl is roughly 9 + 9 = 18 – 4.5= approximately 13. You got a stud prospect defecting from Cuba who says he’s 18? He’s really 27. If you got a Dominican kid who says he’s 25 but he hits more like an seasoned veteran, its because he’s really 25 + 25 -12.5 = 38. I call it “KFC’s Equation To Figure Out How Old Illegals Are.” Clever right?