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Introducing "The Predicktor" Penis Size App

Daily NewsThe Predicktor, created by Toronto physician Dr. Chris Culligan, functions as a “calculator that attempts to predict his penis size by cross referencing trends from scientific studies with his personal stats like height and finger length,” the app’s website reads. “The app shares scientific journal articles reporting on men’s health and sexuality. This includes the actual distribution of penis size, as found in peer review journals. It also touches on selected literature studying what women really think about men’s genitalia – not the locker room giggles but actual results from surveys.” The app gauges the size of a man’s erect penis after the user enters the subject’s height, sexual orientation and finger length. The point of the app, according to its creator, isn’t to be 100% accurate but rather to provide men with a better idea of the range of sizes out there and soothe “the penis-related insecurity, anxiety or dissatisfaction” men have about themselves, according to the website. “It’s not how long your pencil is, but how you write your name.” The Predicktor costs $3 and is currently only available for Android-operated phones.

I hear you, Asian dude. No thanks, indeed. I wish I would have thought of this idea though. I don’t have any skills developing Apple or Android apps, but I’d have made a killing. Here’s how it would’ve worked. Step 1 – pay me $3. Step 2 – receive a text telling you that you’ve got a small cock. That’s it. 100% accuracy, guaranteed. Is anyone with a massive dong interested in “the range of sizes” or how most chicks don’t care about how big you are? No. Dudes like John Hamm strut around commando & let their hammers speak for themselves. Guys wanting to be falsely reassured their microdicks are “average” download The Predicktor.

I’d have to guess the app’s ratings are directly correlated to its honesty. Tell me what I want to hear or you’re getting 1 star. The average length is 4.75″? Most broads struggle with anything over 6″? So every chick I’ve banged is a monster-cock-craving weirdo? Wow, thanks Predicktor! Five stars! Now that I think about it, that makes way more sense. Next time a lucky lady wants to act bored in the sack with me, I got an app to prove it’s her fault. Maybe you should look into an app for your huge box, honey.