St. Patrick's Day Collection | T-Shirts, Hoodies, Crewnecks, Hats, FlagsSHOP NOW

Prisoner Smuggles Cell Phone Up His Ass, Guards Catch Him When Ring Tone Goes Off

My Fox DCA Sri Lankan prisoner who tried to hide his mobile phone during a search of his cell was caught out when guards heard ring tones from his rear-end, a hospital official said on Friday. The 58-year-old convict had to be admitted to the national hospital in Colombo where doctors later retrieved the handset from his rectum. “The man had concealed the phone inside his person,” the official said, asking not to be named. “Unfortunately for him, the phone rang at the wrong time and guards knew he had a phone at the wrong end.” He said the man was in hospital for two days but was discharged and sent back to prison Friday after the mobile phone was taken out. The prisoner is serving a 10-year term for theft at the high security Welikada jail in the capital.

I’m gonna cut right to the chase on this one:

How the fuck do you not put your phone on silent when you’re smuggling it in your asshole? You go to the movies, you remember to put your phone on silent. You go to church, you put your phone on silent. You’re in a meeting at work, phone on silent. You’re smuggling a smartphone up your ass and you leave the goddam ringer on? The iPhone Xylophone coming out of your asshole like you’re farting up a symphony? Come on bro. I don’t really like people who put their ringer on loud during every day life, let alone a smuggling operation. At the very least put that shit on vibrate so you get a little prostate massage.