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Dude In Albuquerque Leaves Pissed Soaked Bologna On People's Door Steps And Cops Can't Catch Him

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. – Since the first of this year, Sharisha Morrison has been receiving bags of bologna and bread from a mystery man.

The surprise sandwich deliveries to her southeast Albuquerque home always come in a plastic grocery bag.

Morrison set up a camera to see who was leaving the bread and bologna. At first, she thought it might be an act of kindness, until she realized the bag smelled of urine.

“He’ll always walk up from this direction, and he’ll just walk up and drop it on the little doorknob and walk away, every single time that’s all he does,” Morrison said.

She isn’t the only one receiving these deliveries. Her neighbors have been receiving them too.

“They’re actually moving out because they’re tired of it,” she said.

Morrison says she has called police but they can’t do much unless they catch him during a delivery.

“I just want it to stop because I have my baby, you know, and I don’t want some random guy just creeping around my apartment,” she said.

Police have promised to step up patrols in her area.

“He’ll always walk up from this direction, and he’ll just walk up and drop it on the little doorknob and walk away, every single time that’s all he does,” Morrison said.

She isn’t the only one receiving these deliveries. Her neighbors have been receiving them too.

“They’re actually moving out because they’re tired of it,” she said.

Morrison says she has called police but they can’t do much unless they catch him during a delivery.

“I just want it to stop because I have my baby, you know, and I don’t want some random guy just creeping around my apartment,” she said.

Police have promised to step up patrols in her area.

We’re gonna break down this blog sentence by sentence, one my one.  Let’s start from the top:

1.  ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. – Since the first of this year, Sharisha Morrison has been receiving bags of bologna and bread from a mystery man.

Right off the bat this story is hairy as fuck.  First off – who willingly would live in the shithole that is Albuquerque NM?  I’ve seen Breaking Bad, that place BLOWS.  We should pack New Mexico up and send it to Mexico so the Mexicans will eat it!  So yeah, before we even get into the meat of the story we already know we’re about to deal with some weirdos.

2. The surprise sandwich deliveries to her southeast Albuquerque home always come in a plastic grocery bag. 

I have a confession to make:  bought some groceries yesterday and double bagged two plastic bags. Used the self check out line.  Should have charged myself with 4 bags but only charged myself for 2.  Saved $0.14.  Fuck the bag tax.

3. Morrison set up a camera to see who was leaving the bread and bologna. At first, she thought it might be an act of kindness, until she realized the bag smelled of urine. 

Bolonga deliveries and acts of kindness can never happen in conjunction with each other.  Bologna is the most disgusting food of all time.  Inedible and if you consume it you need to grow up.   People who eat bologna also probably do other horrifying shit like mutilate dogs and donate to charity.

4. “He’ll always walk up from this direction, and he’ll just walk up and drop it on the little doorknob and walk away, every single time that’s all he does,” Morrison said.   

Precrime.  This is probably the start of some Indian sacrifice.  Absolute psychotic behavior

5. She isn’t the only one receiving these deliveries. Her neighbors have been receiving them too.  “They’re actually moving out because they’re tired of it,” she said. 

Can anyone blame the neighbors?  I’m not even talking about the urine part at this point.  I’m solely focused on the bologna.  If someone was hand delivering me bologna in an unwarranted fashion every day, I’d move too.  And I hope these people took this opportunity to move out of New Mexico.  For their sake.

6. Morrison says she has called police but they can’t do much unless they catch him during a delivery.  “I just want it to stop because I have my baby, you know, and I don’t want some random guy just creeping around my apartment,” she said. 

Again if you choose to live in Albuquerque New Mexico you should expect people to deliver piss soaked bologna to you even if you don’t want it.  Occupational hazard