I Went To Super Bowl Opening Media Night and Got Arrested After I Talked To Sean McVay, Todd Gurley, Gronk, Jared Goff, and Bill Belichick

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It has become in fashion to talk trash about opening night like its the probowl on qualudes (actualy not a bad rule change idea but I’ll parking lot that for now), but where else can you go to find a man dressed in a barrell, a woman in a wedding dress, and probably JB Smoove asking athletes what their favorite emoji is? It provides more insight into our atheletes than anything traditional journlists like Jay Mariotti and whatever the Chris Gaines version of Jay Mariotti where he grows a soulpatch and cosplays as the bass player from the Goo Goo Dolls could ever provide.

That being said, it was my duty to ask all the hard-hitting questions to these players and coaches and thats not a repsonsibility I take lightly. I got to ask Sean McVay about those suite tickets he promised us back in July (he said he was a man of his word and would follow up for us), had a little feline time with Todd Gurley to get a update on the cats he said he was planning on purchasing when the time was right and he felt ready, asked Jared Goff what he thought about Jeff Fisher getting chased by a bear, and even got to talk to Aaron Donald about why hes a fraud who trains with fake knives.

Then the Patriots took the stage and me and Belchick talked fullbacks before I got to ask Gronk to explain why 69 is so funny (spoiler- he makes me do math. Kind of a nerd move on his part.)

My take on Gronk being so open and sex-postive about 69ing is that this is his last media day. In years past he would of just bitten his cheeks so hard they bleed and pretended to not want to answer like Roger Rabbit trying his hardest to not complete the “shave and a haircut,,,,,,,,, two bits” jingle. But this year he realy opened up and I say good for Gronk. Watching Gronk not have fun is like going to a Gallagher show without the sledgehammer. Warning ladys if your in the front row, you might get wet

Then all hell broke loose as I got arrested, shoved by NFL securty, and detained and charged with criminal tresspassing by the Atlanta police department. Here I am immedately after the daring no-knock raid on my body captured by a reporter in the area:

Later, they even called in the FBI who interrogated me to make sure that I was as cool as they thought I must of been probably.Total badass move on my part. Going to give a full blow-by-blow of this encounter and how it compared to my treatment by Westminster Kennel Club security on Wednesdays PMT so please listen.

Oh and this is neat. After having me arressted the NFL used two of my questions on their superbowl opening night wrap-up montage. (1:26 & 4:20). Very cool!

All in all a pretty quiet night marred only by getting aprehended by the authorities and Gronk asking me to do basic arithmetic.