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Bella Hadid, Kendall Jenner, The Virgin Mary - The Pope Says Mary Is The Original Influencer

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Gonna have to call bullshit on this one, Pope Francis. Mary? Really? Her? The most influential woman in history? As if. How many Fit Teas has Mary sold? How many protein powders has she posed with seductively next to a pool? Was Mary even invited to Fyre Fest, Pope? Was she? Didn’t think so. So who in the world has she even influenced? I doubt she could even get a blue checkmark if she was alive today. It’s more likely she’d make the rounds on Dr. Phil and Maury and Jerry Springer to try and find out who the father of her bastard child is and then go back to her trailer park with her weirdo son who claims he can make the blind see and turn water into wine. That wouldn’t have been any help at Fyre Fest, but maybe give him a little bit of wine and they could have gotten some water.

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I do appreciate the Pope continuing to be hip though. He’s like “gays are sweet, dogs go to heaven, and go check out my Soundcloud for that Be Thou My Vision remixxxx”. It’s only a matter of time before he pops up in Ken Jac’s TikTok thread or starts posting about the Tea Lizard.

Here for it.