Chicago Named Rattiest City In America, Suck On That Losers

ATLANTA, Oct. 13, 2014 – Pest control leader Orkin released its top 20 rattiest cities. The markets are ranked by the number of rodent treatments the company performed in 2013.

Fall is a prime time for commensal rodents to actively seek food, water and shelter when temperatures drop and before the winter weather arrives. Each fall, rats and mice invade an estimated 21 million American homes. It only takes a hole the size of a quarter for a rat to squeeze inside, and a hole the size of a dime for mice. Rodents are also known to chew around holes to make them larger, after which they can slip into homes. It is not uncommon for homeowners and businesses to begin spotting rodents beginning in October.

“Each city on this list is a major urban area that provides ideal conditions for rats and mice to thrive,” said entomologist and Orkin Technical Services Director Ron Harrison, Ph.D. “Commensal rodents depend on humans and their resources to survive, so unless residents and city officials take proactive steps to prevent rodents, infestations can easily get out of hand. It’s important to remember that this list is based solely on the number of treatments Orkin performed last year. While your city may not be ranked high on the list, that does not mean you should be any less vigilant.”

Rodents are more than a nuisance; they also pose severe health threats. They can carry hundreds of pathogens that spread through their urine, droppings and bites. They are known carriers of deadly neurological and respiratory diseases like lymphocytic choriomeningitis virus (LCMV) and Hantavirus Pulmonary Syndrome. Ticks, mites and fleas can feed on infected rodents, which can then transmit diseases like pox, plague and typhus indirectly to humans.

Hold on.

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K now we’re good. And I know what you’re thinking, gross man, having a ton of rats isn’t something to be proud of. Wrong. This is about building a championship mentality. This is about becoming a city of winners. Rats, murders, obesity, hockey, I really don’t give a fuck. When you’re number 1 in something that means you’re the best. You never ever apologize for being the best. And winners breed winners. “Oh we’re the Rattiest city in the world? Well then I guess we need to step our instensity up and start winning more football games” -Coach Trestman. So suck on that world. This is just the beginning.

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PS

Anecdotally speaking this is the least surprising study of all time. I would say I see roughly a dozen rats every single day. Don’t even blink anymore. And they’re fucking crafty too. I saw one the other day climbing a tree like a squirrel. They’re getting smarter, which I guess should be troubling but like I said before, a championship is a championship. Flags fly forever.