Florida Man Arrested For Masturbating In Walmart With Stuffed Toy Horse And Then Returning It To The Shelf Covered In Jizz

(Source) A Florida man today took a stuffed animal off a Walmart shelf and then used the toy to masturbate before returning the ejaculate-covered item to a store shelf, police report. The repulsive episode occurred around 3 PM at a Walmart in Brooksville, a city 50 miles north of Tampa. According to cops, Sean Johnson, 19, walked to the store’s bedding department with a stuffed toy horse and proceeded to pleasure himself–a lewd act that was captured by surveillance cameras. Johnson, seen in the adjacent mug shot, was then spotted returning the stuffed animal to a Walmart shelf.

While Johnson fled the store before he could be apprehended by Walmart security, he was subsequently arrested by Brooksville Police Department officers. Johnson–who reportedly confessed to police–was charged with indecent exposure and criminal mischief and booked into the Hernando County jail. He was released from custody at 9:45 tonight after posting $1500 bond. The Walmart merchandise that came into contact with the reshelved stuffed animal was deemed contaminated and not suitable for sale.

Duuuuuude. You put the jizz horse back on the shelf? Are you not a human? Come on, have just a little bit of decency. Like if you told me a guy in Florida got caught jerking off with a stuffed horse in a Walmart I would say, of course, makes perfect sense. The winter in Chicago will be cold and there will be an earthquake on the West Coast at some point in the next 50 years. A guy rubbing his dick on a horse in Florida Walmart is one of the more predictable sex acts to ever occur. You were safe, no one cared. Fuck I don’t even think it’s technically illegal in Florida. But to then put it back and walk away? This is like going to a fast food restaurant and not giving your tables a little wipe down before you leave. That’s just common courtesy. It’s all about social graces. I’m not saying you have to steam wash the thing but you have to give the illusion of cleanliness. You can’t just leave crumbs, or in this case jizz, all over the place. Be a human man, for once. But thanks for also not stealing, I guess.

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I’m just going to say this, I in no way condone this act, but I bet that stuffed horse was pretty soft. Sooooo.