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How Many People Do You Think Teanna Trump Had Sex With In High School? Spoiler Alert: It’s More Than You Guessed

I noticed that ‘Teanna Trump Gummy Bears’ was trending on the internet so naturally I was curious. I did some digging and found this new interview circling around where she says just about everything. It’s SOMETHING and here are the highlights. Please go get a glass of water before listening and take a deep breath.

How many people do you think Teanna had sex with by her senior year of high school?

EIGHTY SIX by your senior year of high school?!?!?! I’m out here trying to figure out how many lifetimes I’d have to live to hit 86 and it’s making my head hurt. Most people make it a goal to have sex (one time) by the time they finish high school. The movie Super Bad is about a group of friends going to the most extreme measures possible to get the job done. They almost die trying to do it. Teanna did it 86 times. That is such an outrageous number, but based on her body of work I’m forced to believe it. She kept a Mean Girls style burn book of everyone she had sex with. Eventually her friend gave her advice that she might as well get paid to do it. I went for a walk after I listened to that clip.

Okay next up, the gummy bears.

I’m sorry, what? Has anyone seen this scene? I can’t find it, for research purposes, and I’m not sure I want to. Apparently Abella Danger put gummy bears in her ass and shit them out into Teanna Trump’s mouth? Who thinks of this? I want to die at the thought of having a daughter. Alright actually I did find a clip of the video. If you click on this please god make sure you are alone and no one is around you. I warned you. Here it is you sick fucks: Video.

Brittany Renner sextape update:

Finally some news about the highly anticipated sex tape made by Trump and Brittany Renner. She was flown out there by Renner and the only person who has the video is Brittney. The internet will shatter when this drops and I cannot wait. Release the tapes goddamit. She damn broke it when you dropped her latest video.