This Video Confirms Tiger Woods Will Win This Week
Just texted my guy: find the farm, grab it, and put it on Tiger. Full disclosure, I was a little unsure earlier in the week. Tiger sounded sick as hell in the presser, looked asleep as hell at the Ryder Cup, disinterested as hell at The Match, and completely checked out at the Hero World Challenge. He’s 43 years old now. I thought maybe it’d take that older, weathered body a few weeks to get into the swing of things.
Boy was I wrong.
You see how jacked up our guy is over pizza? Fucking pizza? Honestly thought he was going to grab Joey LaCava and fuck him right there. Too much excitement to contain. Yeah it’s fucked up he was denied a slice and that guy should be publicly executed for it**, but look how jacked up our guy is. Look how loose he is. Is that a 43-year-old with 4 back surgeries or a 19-year-old with 4 porn stars? Hard to tell. If he’s this juiced for pizza imagine how juiced he is for destroying all these country club dorks on TOUR again.
Tiger by eight trillion.
**I know people are freaking out over this guy denying Tiger pizza. Treasonous move no doubt, I’m sure he’s already been exiled to Syria. But honestly I don’t care about that. I care about Tiger bopping around, tapping his hands on his hips, smiling, laughing, sticking his tongue out while mucking it up with Joey. He’s loose. He’s comfy. He’s cocky. He’s back. That laugh was the most confident thing I’ve ever seen. That’s the only thing I care about.