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BREAKING: Larry Fitzgerald Is Returning To Play Another Season With The Cardinals

I’m not sure why, but knowing Larry Fitzgerald will be playing football on Sundays makes me feel like everything will be okay. Seeing him in a helmet and pads is like my totem in Inception. Sure by Week 4 or so, everyone will wish he either retired or could get traded to a good team because the Cardinals offense ends up becoming a tire fire. But since it’s still January, knowing that Larry Fitz will be on an NFL field as well as my waiver wire for when I need a bye week fill-in for fantasy makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, no matter how mad his loyalty to that shitty franchise makes me. Larry Fitzgerald is The People’s Champ of the NFL and if you don’t like him, you can go to hell.

This news also means there’s a chance that he will finally be traded to the Patriots, which has felt inevitable for at least 5 years now and would be the ultimate test to Fitz’s likability. Also shout out to Papa Clem on this news since Larry Fitz has been his favorite player since at least 2014. My dad always will stan for the oldest player he knows and wil not back down from that guy being his favorite player until he retires. He did it with Carlos Delgado and Luis Castillo, the latter which was the biggest test in our father-son relationship.

It’s a goddamn crime that this play gets lost in the annals of NFL history because the Cardinals let Big Ben complete no less than 30 passes to Santonio Holmes during that last drive by the Steelers.


Blogger’s Note: Haha, I said annals