Someone in the Stands in KC Was Shining a Laser Pointer in Brady's Eyes

No big deal. I mean, if you flash a laser pointer from your backyard into the cockpit of a plane passing overhead, the FAA, the FBI and Homeland Security will be swarming your house like Orcs. But take one into Arrowhead and point it into the dreamy eyes of the man who’s about to shatter your dreams into a million tiny particles in front of 80,000 witnesses and somehow nobody notices. No one in the stands. The officials who you’d think were keeping an eye on the quarterback. Not Arrowhead Security. Not NFL Security. They’ve got two dozen guys guarding the footballs like the Swiss Guard protects the Pope. But not one keeping his/her eyes on the man with the football in his hands. Got it.

And I’m left with the question that often gets asked but never gets answered at a moment like this: What would happen if this went on at Gillette? If Patrick Mahomes was in the middle of a play and dodging partial blindness from a concentrated beam of light from a Patriots fan?

Allow me to answer: Chaos. Mass hysteria. Outrage. Cheating allegations. Fines. Suspensions. Draft picks taken away. The Unholy Trinity of Patriots Derangement Syndrome. Remember in October when Tyreek Hill was flexing in some fans faces and one dildo splooshed a dollar’s worth of beer in his direction? Which was reported around the country as “threw a beer at him?” That slob was charged criminally and banned from the stadium for life. But this will go no further than Barstool and angry Patriots fans on Twitter, I promise you.

And that’s OK. You can’t stop Tom Brady with 11 defenders and a team of coaches. Not by changing the rules. Not by targeting his tight end’s head and knees. Not by accusing him of cheating and suspending him. Not by hit piece articles with anonymous sources. Not hiring away as many assistant coaches as you can. Not by trying to talk his wife into making him retire. So what chance do you have with a glorified flashlight?

Shine away. To steal his own phrase, he’s laser-focused. And #StillHere.