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New Alcoholism Vaccine Gives Users An Instant Hangover If They Drink Any Booze

Decan Herald - In a bid to tackle the growing problem of alcoholism, a new vaccine that gives alcoholics an immediate and heavy hangover will soon be tested in India after preclinical trials in Chile, researchers say. The preclinical trial preludes the phase one clinical trial in India, when doctors will inject people with the vaccine for the first time. If all goes well, the vaccination could be available as soon as two years from now, Santiago Times quoted Dr Juan Asenjo, director of the Institute for Cell Dynamics and Biotechnology at Universidad de Chile, as saying. The vaccine, which would be effective for between six months and a year, works by sending a biochemical message to the liver telling it not to express genes that metabolise alcohol. If someone who’s been vaccinated tries to drink alcohol, they will immediately experience severe nausea, accelerated heartbeat, and general discomfort. Once the vaccine has been administered it cannot be reversed, the report said.

Welp this will do it. This will wipe out my alcoholism real quick. Only in the past couple years have I truly learned what a real hangover is, and they are undoubtedly the only thing that can make you curtail your drinking. Not saving money, not staying in shape. The only thing that really makes me ever wanna stop drinking is feeling like a gigantic bag of dehydrated shit. If someone pricked me with this needle every morning and every sip of booze I took resulted in an instant hangover, I’d probably actually stop drinking.

But here’s the thing – I’d probably just end up addicted to drugs. I don’t necessarily love alcohol. I just love getting fucked up in a social setting. So take away the booze and I’ll just replace that with another vice to satisfy the “getting fucked up” part. A shot of vodka makes me feel like shit? Give me some pills! Like “oh great that new alcohol vaccine worked! Now I’m shooting fucking heroin in between my toes.” Just another piece of evidence supporting my theory that the hangover is the most necessary evil of all time. Its what keeps the human race in check. When you’re a kid and you’re meant to be getting trashed every second of your life, you don’t get them. As you get older and you have more responsibility to become a real person and have a family to ensure the human race continues, hangovers set in to stop you from drinking yourself to death. It gives you a temporary taste of death to make you think twice next time. They are bad enough that you slow down, but not so terrible that you abandon alcohol all together and turn to hard drugs. Its a natural system of checks and balances that should not be trifled with. Whether you’re trying to eliminate them or in this case trying to artificially create them – if you start fucking with hangovers you start fucking with the circle of life.

Without darkness, there is no light. Without natural hangovers, there is no life.