4th of July Collection | Now Available at the Barstool StoreSHOP HERE


Typical Millennial Jerry Jones Thinks The Cowboys Season Would Still Be Alive Right Now If They Wore Different Cleats

NFL: DEC 16 Cowboys at Colts

Jerry Jones via 1053 The Fan – “I’ve had the benefit of the tape, looking at the tape, the evaluation by both scouts as well as the coaches. We frankly had never gotten traction. And I mean that literally. That was a slippery field. If I had to do it over again, we would be really scrutinizing our footwear. Our cleats. We had trouble digging in, so to speak.

Well you say, ‘That’s an excuse.’ It is not because not only physically but we had trouble digging in with just the effectiveness of our defense. And we did not stop them, and we did not stop the run.”

Okay so here’s the thing–I’ll admit that there’s a possibility that Jerry Jones almost has a point here. I mean anybody who has ever played any sport on a slippery field before knows that it can completely fuck up your whole life during a game. Granted, there are 2 teams playing on the same exact slippery field so it’s not like it’s an advantage to one team over another. But I get how a slippery field could potentially factor in to the Cowboys looking like dog shit for the most part last weekend in LA. With that being said…you SIMPLY CANNOT use this as an excuse if you’re Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys.

For starters, Jerry Jones is like 500 years old. Could you imagine if you ever tried to tell your grandfather that you lost a game because the field was slippery and you weren’t wearing the right cleats? He’d call you a bitch and kick you out of the family right there on the spot. He’ll then go on to say that when he was their age, he had to play on some slippery fields while he was overseas fighting a war against the goddamn Nazis, whilst wearing shoes that were fashioned out of some scrap pieces of leather. You think the Greatest Generation got to wear Under Armour Highlights and some Nike Vapors while they were out kicking the shit out of Hitler’s army? Get real.

Blaming a game on wearing the wrong cleats and not being able to perform on a slippery field? Greatest Generation my ass.

Secondly–you can’t be using this as an excuse if you’re going around calling yourself “America’s Team” for the past 50 years. I mean maybe if the Cowboys referred to themselves as “France’s Team” this excuse would make a lot more sense considering they encourage you to be a bunch of pussies in France. But here in America? No way no how. This is the nation that built democracy and freedom. And we sure as shit didn’t do that by complaining about wearing the wrong cleats to play a football game. The American Dream is all about battling through adversity to achieve your greatest goals. Complaining about cleats on a slippery field? The only thing less American than that is putting ketchup on a hot dog (Team Spicy Mustard only).

So is Jerry Jones a millennial socialist? Because he sure as shit doesn’t sound like the owner of America’s team to me.