Last Night I Fell In Love With a Hot Australian Open Tennis Chair Umpire

True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend. What I’m trying to say here is that true love is blind. Last night I was doing my usual, watching the various tennis matches going on in the second round of the Australian Open, duh. My guy Federer was taking on a man who was previously suspended for doing a ton of coke, Dan Evans, and then it happened. The cameraman panned towards the head chair umpire and bestowed upon my eyes a beautiful sight. I didn’t think I’d fall in love with a tennis chair umpire during the Aussie Open, but life is full of unexpected surprises.

My first thought was why is Alicia Vikander umpiring tennis matches. Upon further review it was not her, but I wouldn’t be shocked after a DNA test we found out they’re related.

The old school Barstool thing to do here was to send out the smoke patrol and find out who this mystery woman was. I instead took it upon myself to conduct some tennis umpiring research. Presenting to you Serbian tennis umpire Marijana Veljovi?. You think you can slip a foot fault by her? No chance, she’s a bad bitch.

I think I’m going to start learning Serbian.