Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Is The Scariest Movie In Cinema History

So this tweet went viral the other day, wondering what movies traumatized you as a child

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Well, there’s only one correct answer and it’s Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Anything else is incorrect (I might allow Matilda as well but that would hurt my argument, as the internet only allows for black and white debates). In fact, I’d argue that had I never seen the movie until now, as a 30 year old, the Child Catcher would still terrify me as much as he did as a child. Call me old fashioned but remarkably creepy adults kidnapping little kids still doesn’t sit well with me.

It didn’t help that Jeremy Potts looked a lot like me as a kid and I could very vividly see myself in the scene, chasing down some scrumptious candy only to be stolen. Everything about this scene still sends shivers down my spine. In fact, shortly after I saw this movie for the first time I went with my grandparents to see the play Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat and it was during that show that I think I had my first panic attack ever, convinced that flamboyantly dressed gentlemen had set up the performance as an elaborate rouse in order to imprison me.

You know what else sucked about being so scared of this movie? My dad fuckin’ loved it. I’d guess I’ve seen this movie 50 times, each time bringing me to tears and casing me to hide under a blanket. I’d plead that we put on a movie my dad liked that wasn’t quite as scary, something like American Werewolf in Paris, but he’d assure me that this wasn’t so terrifying. “YOU’RE LYING” I’d yell as he’d grab my hands and make me dance, singing “Oh! You! Pretty Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we love you!” and I’d cry and cry.

So yeah, this movie traumatized me as a child. That’s not all a bad thing, as a healthy fear of free candy is the only thing that’s kept me alive to this day. But I probably could’ve done without pre-pubescent panic attacks and a complete desensitization to actual horror movies. Still better than this childhood, however…

If a dad in your neighborhood is dressed up as the Child Catcher three Halloweens in a row and you don’t call Child Protective Services then you’re an asshole and complicit. It’s a sick world we’re living in with sick people!