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Ranking The Most Awkward Eye-Contacts To Make At The Gym

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For the most part, going to the gym is a pretty enjoyable experience. You go there, you get to space out for a little and forget about any issues in the world, you relieve some stress, feel better about yourself when you leave, etc. etc. I’m not saying the gym is the best place in the world. It’s actually far from it. But I feel like you typically leave there feeling better than you did when you went in. As long as you’re a normal person and you’re not going in there for like 5 hours at a time trying to become the best person in the world at exercising, it’s a nice easy way to boost your morale for about an hour or so.

However, the gym can also be a pretty awkward experience as well. There are plenty of different reasons for that but the one I want to talk about today is all the types of awkward eye-contact you end up making over time. One bad accidental eye-contact can completely ruin an entire workout. Heck, it could ruin your entire day because even after you leave the gym and get home, you still process over it again in your head as you’re trying to fall asleep. It’s the worst. Some of these are easier to recover from than others, but some make you at least consider about cancelling your membership and joining a new gym entirely after. So without further ado, here are the most awkward eye-contacts to make at the gym, ranked.

6. The Person Next To You On The Treadmill

It’s pretty customary to always leave a gap ‘mill between two runners if possible. Same way as you’d try to leave a gap urinal between two dudes rockin’ some pissdawgs in the bathroom. But depending on what gym you go to and what time you’re there, chances are the customary gap ‘mill simply is not an option and you have to run directly next to somebody else.

Now when this is the case, obviously you are always racing against that person in your mind. It’s only natural to make it a competition. You see what speed they’re working at and you try to one up them. However, the moment you make eye-contact with that person? Well now the race is officially on. Because now that person knows that you’re trying to race them in your mind, and you know that person is trying to race you in your mind. Before the eye-contact is made, it was basically just like a Cold War. Sure, some things were going on behind the scenes but there wasn’t any actual war going on. The moment the eye-contact is made? It’s on. And now you either need to look like a bitch and quit, or you look like a hardo and end up spending 20 extra minutes on the treadmill than you were planning on just to beat some stranger in a made up race. Either way, it’s a terrible experience.

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5. The Dude Checking Out His Abs In The Mirror

This one obviously sucks because now this dude is thinking that you’re checking him out or some shit. But honestly, it sucks harder for that guy because if you’re pulling up your shirt to check out your abs in the mirror of a gym whilst other people are in there, you’re a douche. So is it awkward eye-contact? Of course it is. But you won’t lose sleep over it because at least you’re not the biggest douche at your gym.

4. The Person On The Machine You’re Trying To Get On Next

Waiting on a certain machine or bench or rack to open up is always one of the least enjoyable parts of the gym. You save “chest day” for a Wednesday because you figure the majority of people have their “chest day” on a Monday and you hope that by doing yours on Wednesday, all the benches won’t be taken up already when you get in there. However, you get in there on Wednesday and turns out everybody had the same idea as you. So now you’re stuck in the middle between half-assing another exercise and keeping an eye on the machine you’re trying to get on like a hawk. Waiting sucks, everybody knows that. But when your hawkish stare ends up making direct eye-contact with the person currently using said machine? Well that sucks even harder.

It sucks because that person then immediately knows that you’re over there waiting for them to finish up. So they then start to feel rushed. And they end up “politely” asking you if you’re trying to get on the machine and then you have to figure out a way to toe the line between saying “no no take your time” and “yes, get the fuck up right now please”. No matter what your answer ends up being, it’s the wrong answer. Because if you tell them to take their time, then you’re waiting there for another hour. If you tell them that you’re trying to get on the machine, then they rush through the rest of their workout and you can tell how much they resent you for that. You can tell you just ruined their day and now you’re trapped in this building filled with objects that can be used as weaponry by somebody who you just inconvenienced. You ruined their day, it’s only a matter of time before they attempt to return the favor.

3. The Girl Doing Some Sort Of Lower Body Exercise

Accidental eye-contact in this situation is absolutely devastating. Because the last thing you want to do in the gym is pick up the “that dude’s a creep” stigma. This is one of those accidental eye-contacts I was talking about earlier that could possibly force you to cancel your membership on the spot and find a whole new gym to go to. It’s terrible, man. You’re just minding your own business and you just so happen to look over at the absolute worst time ever and catch immediate eye-contact from the girl in the squat rack. You know that it was purely an accident but you have no idea if she’s over there thinking that you’ve just been staring her down for the past 5 minutes or not. It’s not even like you can go over there and explain yourself because that’s an even worse look than before.

And there’s a double-whammy on this one. Because another one of the more awkward scenarios at the gym is when you just so happen to have an incredibly similar workout planned as this girl. Because not only did you make that terribly awkward eye-contact, but now it seems as if you’re following her around from workout to workout. When that’s not the case at all, it just so happens that you are both doing similar shit and all the similar equipment is in the same locations in the gym. At that point you either need to switch up whatever it is that you’re doing or you just call it a day early and leave as soon as possible.

2. The Naked Old Dude In The Locker Room

This is obviously a classic choice here and I feel like the majority of people would expect this to be #1 on the list. However, I feel like this is pretty similar to the guy who is checking out his abs in the mirror. Is the eye-contact extremely uncomfortable? Yes. But at least you get to leave that interaction knowing that you were the normal one in the situation, ya know? Also–I feel like once you make accidental eye-contact with one old naked dude in the locker room, you learn to never make that mistake again and you just look in an aggressively upwards direction every time you’re in the locker room from that point on.

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Now if your gym happens to have a sauna and you end up making eye-contact with a naked old dude in there? Well now you might be in some trouble. Because there’s a good chance that old dude wants to fuck you.

1. The Maniac Pacing All Over The Gym In Between Sets Who Is Singing Out Loud To His Music

I feel like every gym has to have at least one or two of these guys. The type of guy who probably spends 5 hours in the gym per day but at least 4 of those hours are spent pacing around the entire place like a psychopath, intermittently flexing and singing out loud to the music which you could already hear at full volume through his headphones. You haven’t seen this guy do an exercise in the 20 minutes you’ve been there already but the moment you go to use a machine, he comes sprinting over to tell you that he’s super setting with that but only has like 3 or 4 more sets to go.

Typically its best to just avoid this lunatic at all costs. But if you just so happen to make some eye-contact with him? Well you have absolutely no idea what reaction that is going to elicit from this psycho and you have absolutely no idea what this dude is capable of. Is he going to come over and bash you in the head with a dumbbell? Is he going to wait until you’re benching and then come over to crush the bar down on your throat? Is he going use a bunch of medicine balls and play a one-way game of dodgeball with you? I mean you really have no clue. And what’s even worse is you don’t know when the retaliation could possibly come either. You make accidental eye-contact with this maniac one time and he could hold onto that shit for months before unleashing his fury on you. I’ll take seeing some old dude balls over accidentally offending a lunatic every day of the week. Every day.

@BarstoolJordie