AFTP- Britney Spears Turns 20

Saturday marked two decades since the release of Britney Spears’ debut album, …Baby One More Time, and I can’t help but celebrate the big milestone by objectifying that baby one more time as this week’s Ass From The Past.


“Can y’all believe that this album was released 20 years ago today??!! I can’t,” she wrote on Instagram. “It’s definitely been the journey of a lifetime, full of ups and downs, but I’m grateful for every single moment of it all.”

I challenge she’s grateful for EVERY moment because she’s had some pretty serious lapses in judgment over the years…


But all-in-all, she’s had a nice run… Here are some random bullets:

– Her net worth is around $200 million.
– She has only one Grammy Award for Best Dance Recording for “Toxic” in 2005.
– She passed on “Umbrella” which was good news for Rihanna, I guess.
– Lady Gaga’s duet with Beyonce, “Telephone,” was originally intended for Britney.
– The song “…Baby One More Time” was originally intended for TLC.
– Britney is known to be fragrant and has several fragrances out that are hugely popular… HOW POPULAR ARE THEY, LARGE?!?!?… So popular, they account for 34% of all celebrity perfume sales… Sorry, Pitbull.

– She was supposed to play Daisy Duke in Dukes of Hazzard but the role went to Jessica Simpson… Thank fucking God.

Miss Spears turned 37 in December, which means she was only 17 years old when creepy guys started using her as ammo, but my favorite Britney was probably the stage she went through right after she turned 21… So early 2000s-Britney Spears is what I would consider her prime. Not only did she learn to embrace dark eye makeup, but Spears also really started to enjoy touching herself in crowded warehouses filled with backup dancers.

I think Aguilera went through a similar stage at a similar time… Thank fucking God again.

The singer is currently on an indefinite work hiatus as she eats laxatives and spends time with her family amid her father’s recovery from illness.  But I hope she gets wind of her making it to the pantheon of AFTP‘s.

And I would be open to ideas on how we should celebrate the honor.

Take a report.