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Mother Of The Millenium Passes Out Before Blowing A .339 In The Parking Lot At Sesame Place


BUCKS – Police in Middletown, Bucks County, say a woman from Penndel hit .339 on a portable breath-analyzer while in the parking lot of Sesame Place with her 6-year-old daughter. She had passed out shortly before taking the breath test. On June 4th, Middletown police say officers were flagged down by a driver who said there was a woman who appeared incoherent in the parking lot with her daughter. Cops say they found Lora Paone attempting to put a stroller in the trunk of a car. After she fell over and briefly passed out, the cops gave her the breath test. The legal limit in Pennsylvania for driving is .08. Cops don’t know if Paone and her daughter were arriving at or leaving Sesame Place. Though it applied for a liquor license in 2001, Sesame Place reversed course and does not serve alcohol in the park. Paone was charged with endangering the welfare of children, reckless endangerment, and public drunkenness.

Suck a fat one, Big Bird! You think your wholesome, family friendly environment is going to stop this mother from conquering her two bottle a day habit? I think not. But that’s what happens when your six year old is still in a stroller and you’re forced to push the little shit around a children’s theme park. You drink. Maybe she could’ve just gotten a little buzzed instead of going borderline blind, but that’s not how memories and the need for future psychological care for your child are made. Even though there’s a very solid chance she passed out in the parking lot before they went into the park. You don’t blow a .339 unless you’re a professional booze hound.

Big time power move by Sesame Place for realizing it should be selling liquor to it’s patrons. If there’s any place where a parent needs a stiff drink, it’s where Muppets goose everyone during a pointless song and dance routine about the number 5. Need as much help as you can to alter reality at that point.